Title: Choices
By: Iaga
Rated: G
Series: A Life Less Ordinary, a subdivision of Knight Moves
Summary: Maul mulls over some possible new paths for his life.
Category: Vignette, AU, POV (Maul), slight Angst
Archive: Sith Chicks, All Maul, my site
http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/theglobe
Disclaimers: The characters and concepts are copyrighted by
Lucasfilm; I'm just having a little non-profit fun.
Feedback: Is always welcome! Iaga@cliffhanger.com


"Back again, are you?"

I turn my head and nod once to Master D'halia. She watches me
with a smile. She probably thinks she knows what I am doing here.
As I am not certain myself, that would be unusually perceptive of
her.

I look out across the practice arena again. I have been drawn
back here several times since Qui-Gon brought Obi and me here
during our "punishment." I had not been to the arena on a
choosing day before. Now it seems I cannot stay away. I find
myself joining the other Knights and Masters who come to assess
the candidates. Unlike them, however, I have not chosen anyone. I
simply watch.

"I'm not the only one who's noticed," D'halia adds softly, and
once again she has my attention. She inclines her head toward a
young man who is sparring nearby. "Aren hopes you'll choose him.
You know that, don't you?"

I glance at Aren, surprised by this information. I have known
Aren a while now. He was one of my first students. He was awkward
at first. I worked with him after class and taught him how to
compensate for the ungainliness that he will eventually grow out
of. I am aware that he seems fond of me. I did not know that he
wishes to be my apprentice.

For a moment, I am tempted to call him over. I like the boy. He
would be a good Padawan. He learns quickly, and he is loyal and
obedient. But something stills my tongue.

It is not reluctance to accept a Padawan that keeps me from
calling to him. I have not spoken to Obi about this idea, but it
is not a new one. I know that the Healers will declare Obi fit
for active duty soon. When that happens, he and Qui-Gon will
approach the Council about being paired as a mission team. I will
be on my own.

This does not upset me. They were meant to be a team. They were
kept apart for too long. I will not keep them apart further. I am
not ready to leave the Temple now anyway. Sidious is still out
there. I am not prepared to face him again. Not so soon. Yet
every step away from the safety of the Temple has the potential
to lead me to him. I am not ready.

I do not know what I *am* ready to do.

I could resume teaching. That does not feel as satisfactory as
once it did. I do not wish to resume active duty and accept
missions by myself or with another partner. And so I haunt the
practice arena, seeking answers even though I am yet uncertain of
the questions.

"How does one know?" I ask her.

"How do you know when you're ready to take a Padawan, or how do
you know who is the right one to choose?"

"Both."

"As in all things, let the Force guide you." Her pleasant
expression turns somber. "I've seen Jedi choose an apprentice for
the wrong reasons, and it can have... unfortunate results. The
master needs to be certain he or she is ready for the
responsibility and that a choice isn't made in haste. Fifteen
years is a long time to spend with someone you're not compatible
with."

I nod again. So far, the Force has been silent. Aren may wish to
be my apprentice, but I am not the master he is destined for. My
presence here is doubtless raising his hopes unnecessarily. I
will not return. At least not until I learn that he has been
chosen. He will be. I am simply not the one who will make the
choice.

And so I am still adrift. I will continue to meditate. To seek my
path. Perhaps it will not elude me much longer.



-end-

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