Single Black Male
Name: Mace Windu
Age: 45
Eyes: Brown
Hair: Buffed scalp
Height 6’1
Occupation: Jedi Master on the Jedi Counsel
Hobbies: Golf, jazz piano, hostage negotiation and
looking intimidating
Likes: AKA-47’s, McDonalds, berets, foot massage and
long walks in the temple gardens
Dislikes: Bald jokes, and anyone questioning my
authority bitch
Favorite Quote: Ezekiel 25:17 The path of the
righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities
of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is
he, who in the name of charity and good will shepherds
the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is
truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost
children. And I will strike down upon thee with great
vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to
poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my
name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
Other: Well I’m looking for a lady who appreciates the
finer things in life but is also down home and relaxed
enough to enjoy spending a evening curled up on the
couch eating popcorn and watching Kung-Fu.

Single While Male
Name: Qui-Gon Jinn
Age: 60
Eyes: Brown
Hair: Brown
Height: 6’4
Occupation: Jedi Master
Hobbies: Saber Practice, Philosophy discussions,
secretly bending people to my will
Likes: Kilts, weekend getaways at big scary houses,
pod races and strippers
Dislikes: Being mistaken for Jerry Garcia………..or
Darkman
Quote: “Everyman dies not every man really lives.’ “
Braveheart was a hell of a movie.”
Other: I’m looking for a woman who’s kind and soft
spoken who’s interested in a deep and meaningful
relationship with the benefits of mind blowing, keep a
chiropractor on retainer, sex. Single mothers of
psychotic nine year olds need not apply.

Single Alien Male
Name: Yoda
Age: 900
Eyes: Green
Hair: Grey Comb over
Height: 2’9 but an even three feet in heels
Occupation: Jedi Master on the Jedi Counsel
Hobbies: Stickball, solving riddles and writing
fortune cookie sayings.
Likes: Swamps, snakes, and strap on naughty bits.
Dislikes: Tall people. Make fun of the way I talk some
do.
Quote: Judge me by my size do you?
Other: Looking to get freaky I am. Young as I used to
be I am not. Time to party it now is. Love machine I
am.

Single White Male
Name: Obi-Wan Kenobi
Age: 23
Eyes: Blue
Hair: Blond
Height 5’9
Occupation: Padawan learner
Hobbies: Padawan band, hanging out at strip bars,
intergalactic stock trading and collecting hotel room
shower caps.
Likes: Beer, Cigarettes, billiards, fast speeders and
faster women.
Dislikes: Light Beer, Light Cigarettes, ping-pong, and
Curt Wild and my last job. (Night watchman **editor)
Quote: Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career.
Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television.
Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players
and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low
cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed
interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home.
Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching
fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are
on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch
watching mind numbing, spirit crushing game shows,
stuffing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting
away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a
miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to
the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace
yourself. Choose a future. Choose life... But why
would I want to do a thing like that?
Other: Basically to tell the truth I’m looking for a
good shag. Someone to get drunk with nightly who won’t
bitch about the fact I smoke more than Hickory Farms.
Someone who won’t get pissed if I don’t call the next
day, the way I drink I won’t bleeding remember you.
But maybe I’ll find someone who I can trust enough to
let see my tragic, scarred, alcohol soaked soul to.
Queens with psychotic boyfriends need not apply.

Single Alien Male
Name: Darth Maul
Age: 26
Eyes: Yellow
Hair: Horns
Height 5’6
Occupation: Sith Apprentice
Hobbies: Killing Jedi, looking menacing, collecting
ceramic kitty cats, rescuing kitties from the animal
shelters, cleaning and monster truck rally’s.
Likes: Black clothes, the martial arts, killing Jedi,
the zoo and the movie X-men.
Dislikes: Jedi, Thai food, and whiny people protesting
your occupation of their planet. Oh yeah and Darkman
blows too.
Quote: Who loves ya baby?
Other: I have a lot to offer a woman. I look better
in black then anyone you will ever meet. I give great
neck rubs and I love to go dancing. But mostly I’m
looking for a woman who likes to talk and cuddle.

Single White Male
Name: Darth Sidious
Age: Unknown * (you fucking ask him my hair has
permanent shock wave now- editor)
Eyes *
Hair *
Height 5’5
Occupation: Sith Lord
Hobbies: Instilling fear and anger in those around me.
The occupation of small insignificant planets. And
bottle cap collecting.
Likes: Karaoke, lightening, and S&M
Dislikes: Jedi, the name Luke and the headless
horseman
Quote: Sith Happens
Other: I’m looking for a smart, agile, bitchy woman
who will make my life a living hell. We’ll only end up
hurting each other and I wanted it that way. Single
mothers with psychotic children or woman with a thing
for respirators need not apply.