Title: Darth Takes A Holiday
Author: Jenny Dare
Category: Humor/Parody Crossover! Major Crossover! Star Wars/Star Trek
Rating: PG13 to R-ish
Archive: Um, sure just let me know where
Summary: What would happen if Darth Maul got stuck in the Milky Way galaxy by accident
and the Enterprise was on its way to Risa? The title tells the rest!
Warnings: Spew, I hope
Disclaimer: Mine! All mine! Paramount? Bah! Lucas? Bah! Damn! Here come the lawyers!
Real Disclaimer: Alright, alright, Paramount and Lucas own every last thing, and
I'm making no moolah so I'm really not worth your time...
Author's notes: This story will be a lot funnier if you're a fan of Star Trek,
the Next Generation. Otherwise, some of the references might not make sense.
I've been posting this in the ST vs SW newsgroup (a very tough audience, primarily
male!)to some pretty good reviews and Fans of Star Trek have seemed to really dig the
inside jokes...So I decided to post it here for all the Sith Chicks.
OK, enough babbling....on with the show!
=========================================================

Darth Takes a Holiday
Part 1

The Sith Infiltrator shot like a streak across the outer rim of the galaxy's edge.
Its pilot watched through the forward viewers as the starscape rushed by in a blur and
his hands moved deftly over the control panel as he navigated around the riotous spew of
space debris and asteroids.

Reckless. He was feeling reckless. He had dropped out of hyperspace some hours ago, and
had since then had been on manual control, darting in and out at the edge of the galaxy
he knew so well.

His patience had grown thin. All his life he'd trained to confront the Jedi, all his life
he'd honed his skills at swordfighting, at hand-to-hand combat, taking impeccable care of
his body and of his mind, becoming one with the Dark Side, using his impressive Force powers
to do his bidding.

But now he was just restless. Restless and impatient. 'In time,' his Master had said, 'in time
your opportunity will come to face and defeat the Jedi...I will tell you when that time is here.'
Darth Maul grimaced at the memory of those oft spoken words. He'd grown tired of having a Master
who made all the decisions. Who was more interested in his silly climb to political success than
in furthering the triumph of the Sith. He'd thought about rising up and killing Darth Sidious on more
than one occasion. If only it weren't for that damned Force lightening that he wielded with such ease!

A strange ebb in space caught the Sith Lord's attention as he dipped and veered between asteroids
larger than his own ship, and he navigated toward the unusual anomaly. It seemed to be a blackness
with shape, that ebbed and wavered, distorting the smooth pattern of space as it spanned what seemed
to be a very long distance. Intrigued, Darth Maul proceeded closer, hardly noticing that all at once
the asteroid field he'd been navigating around abruptly ended as he got closer to the distortion.

Suddenly the entire hull of the Sith Infiltrator began to creak and groan in a noise that was all at
once nauseating and deafening, and as he looked down to his hands, they became a contorted vision,
his fingers stretching out like long rubber ropes, the control panel wavering and blurring and seeming
to melt before his eyes although there was no heat. The Sith Lord heard his own bellowing scream echo
in his ears and then everything went black.

"Energize!" shouted Captain Picard, steeling himself for the sight of gore that might possibly come
through the transporter beam, should they have been a mere moment too late. The tingling squeal of
the beam swelled and faded, and on the transporter lay a strange looking creature he'd never seen
the likes of before.

"Dr. Crusher to the transporter room...now!"

Picard and Data rushed over to the body they'd just beamed aboard, and Picard felt for a pulse at
the muscular neck of Darth Maul. His heartbeat was raging and strong, and he was already beginning
to regain consciousness. As he opened his eyes, Picard's expression flashed momentary shock at the
fire-patterned gaze that he was met with. Fierce and demonic looking, Picard wondered if it had been
a mistake to beam him aboard, or if he should have just let him perish in his haphazard position at
the mouth of the wormhole his small fighter ship could never have withstood. Too late to wonder that now.

"It's alright," Picard said into the tattooed face of the Sith Lord, "you're going to be just fine."

Darth Maul sprung from his place on the floor, unclipped his lightsaber from his belt and thumbed the
button to ignite the blade, all in a motion so fast, both Federation officers were thrown slightly off
balance from their crouched positions. He had already started the motion to cut down both these looming
figures when he realized something that brought him to a complete stop.

There was no blade extending from the hilt of his lightsaber.

He thumbed the switch again, and again, no result.

"Data! What the hell is that thing?" Picard said, recovering and jumping to his feet,
Data at his side.

"I do not know sir, it appears to be a weapon of some sort."

In that instant Darth Maul flung his body toward the Captain, leaping and spinning in an
effort to land a swift kick to his face. But Data's android reflexes were faster than even
the Sith Lord's acrobatics, and the phaser beam hit him in mid-air, dropping his stunned body
to the ground.

==================================================
Darth Maul awoke on his back to three humanoid faces staring at him. As
soon as his eyes were able to focus, he immediately went to jump from
his defenseless position to battle these people who were towering over
him so closely, but he found that his arms and legs were in some kind of
shackles. He looked quickly between the fascinated faces above him, and
tried once again with physical strength to free himself from the
restraints. Still no result.

"Your arms and legs are tied down," the red-haired woman said. "We can't
have you hurting anyone so until you learn to behave I'm afraid you'll
have to stay restrained."

Darth Maul glared at her intensely. At least she spoke Basic.

"Unbind me. Immediately."

"Oh, I don't think so," the redhead wasn't even looking at him, her eyes
were fixed on an apparent monitoring device in her hand. "First let's
find out a little about who you are."

An older human male that Maul had seen before began to speak.

"I'm Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the USS Enterprise." He nodded a
gesture to the woman, then to the other sallow-faced person who stood
next to him. "This is Dr. Crusher and Commander Data. We beamed you
aboard my ship when it looked as though your vessel was going to be
pulled apart at the entrance of a wormhole on the edge of the galaxy.
Fortunately, we were able to get you out of there in time. And, we also
were able to save your ship. We have it in tow, and it seems to be in
working order."

The Sith Lord cast about the room behind the faces that watched him,
trying to get an idea of the situation at hand.

"Where am I?"

"You're in sick bay," the redhead volunteered, and Darth Maul shifted
his eyes to her. "Data had to stun you when you took a
flying leap at the Captain. You ought to show a little more gratitude to
someone who just saved your life."

Darth Maul felt his anger welling and he fixed his stare on the woman.
He reached within himself, searching out the power of the Dark Side in
an attempt to choke the life out of this woman who dared speak to him in
a condescending tone. But he felt nothing, no familiar surge of the
Force, and she surely didn't seem to be short of breath.

"Fascinating, Captain, look at his vital signs." She passed the older
man the monitor she had been holding, and Darth Maul continued to
attempt to seize hold of her windpipe, with no success. He could feel
his blood begin to boil with fury over his helplessness.

"Interesting," said Picard.

Calming himself from the seething rage that was taking hold, Darth Maul
considered the situation. Thinking on what course to take, he
reluctantly sighed and decided that to acquiesce may be his only choice
at the moment. He would figure out something else once he was off of
this examination table.

"I wish to return to my ship," he said simply.

"I'm afraid we can't do that right now," said Picard. "The effect of the
wormhole has overloaded our transporter systems, and we cannot safely
transport anyone right now. We're on our way to Risa, for the crew to
take shore leave. By the time we arrive there our transporters should be
fixed and you may go back to your ship."

Maul decided he would spare the life of the Captain for the moment. At
least he was being respectful.

"I wish to sit up. I am not injured, so you may stop any medical
analysis of me now." The red-haired doctor exchanged a glance with
Picard.

"You mustn't hurt anyone while onboard my ship," said the Captain. "If
you feel that you can coexist peacefully with my crew for the duration
of your stay, Data will show you to your quarters. If you get out of
line however, you'll find yourself in the brig. Do you understand?"

In his mind, Maul renewed the contract on the Captain's life.

"No one will be harmed. Show me to my quarters."

The restraints popped off and Darth Maul rose from the table, reaching
subtly to his hip.

"Where is my lightsaber?"

"Pardon me?" said the doctor.

"My lightsaber," snarled the Sith Lord. "Where is it? What have you done
with it?"

Maul clenched his teeth and nearly popped a vein in his temple in a
further attempt to harness his Dark Side powers and tangle them around
her throat. His eyes ablaze, he began to shake from anger.

"If you mean this," said Data, walking to a table and picking up the
Sith's staff, "We have confiscated it. There is no need for weapons
while on board the Enterprise. We will return it to you when you go back
to your ship."

Darth Maul's eyes widened at the sight of someone else holding his
weapon, and instinctively he extended his arm, willing it to his hand,
reaching out to the Force, Light side, Dark side, -whatever side-, just
to get his weapon back into his possession. Still, no results. Finally
his frustration got the best of him.

"Arrrghhhhh!" he growled.

"Follow me," said Data, setting down the hilt inside of a lock box. "I
will show you to your quarters."

The Sith Lord slid off the table and followed the yellow-outfitted being
out of sickbay, wondering to himself why he'd been cursed to such a fate
as this.

"Nasty looking thing, isn't he?" said Beverly in a low voice once the
strange creature had left the room. "What about those fiery eyes! And
that's a tattoo covering his face, and a good portion of his body if my
scan read correctly." Picard regarded her a bit doubtfully.

"Not very long on social graces either," he muttered. "I hope it wasn't
a mistake to bring him aboard."

"Do you think he'll cause any more trouble?"

"I hope not. What do you make of those vital signs when he seemed
provoked?"

"I don't know. It seemed like he was attempting to do something, draw on
some power, but that he just couldn't quite reach it. I doubt he'd tell
you what it was even if you asked."

"Probably so. Nevertheless, I think I'll have Data keep an eye on him,
try to keep him occupied while he's onboard. I don't want any trouble.
And Data seemed to be fascinated with him and his weapon, so it should
serve to please him to act as host."

****

"If you'll pardon my asking," said Data as they walked down the
corridor, "where are you from? I've never seen anyone of your species
type before."

"That is irrelevant." Darth Maul could think of nothing else but getting
back to his world. Darth Sidious would be none too pleased if he were
absent for too long.

"You seem as though you are troubled," Data continued, relentless in his
questions. "Perhaps you would like to join the crew for shore leave on
Risa before going back to you ship."

This actually caught Maul's attention. He'd never had a vacation before
in his life.

"What is Risa?" It was the first question the strange guest had asked
Data, so he was happy to tell him all about it.

****

After a lengthy description of what recreation might be awaiting him on
Risa, Darth Maul found himself more than a little curious. Maybe he
needed a holiday. Darth Sidious could handle the Jedi on his own for a
few days. It's not like he was planning on confronting them himself
anyway. Besides, he might learn to appreciate his apprentice a little
bit better if he were missing for a little while. The thought was an
intriguing one.

"Perhaps I will join your crew," he said to Data. "We will see."

They stopped at the door to a room and Data let him inside. "If you need
anything the communication panel is by the door. Feel free to let me
know if I may assist you in any way."

"I want to train," said the Sith Lord, feeling he had better keep his
skills at maximum should he happen to get the chance to use them anytime
soon. Data seemed pleased by this statement.

"I've had your weapon analyzed," he said. "And I found it to be a
curious instrument indeed. If I take you to our holodeck, I would very
much appreciate a demonstration of how it is used."

The Sith Lord regarded this strange being suspiciously.

"What species are you?" he demanded.

"I am an android."

Darth Maul narrowed his eyes. "Android. Interesting." Perhaps the
vacation had already begun. "What is a holodeck?"

Data cocked an eyebrow.

"I will show you."

===============================

Darth Maul stood in the center of the empty holodeck, his eyes shifting
suspiciously around the room. The android who was called Data was
fiddling around on a control panel of sorts and then he turned to face
him.

"Here is your weapon," said Data, and suddenly a lightsaber appeared in
Maul's hand. A thrill surged through him at the familiar sensation of
the hilt against his palm. He thumbed the button to ignite one side and
his satisfaction was complete when he saw that the laser blade snaked
out with a hiss. Darth Maul smiled, moving into a combat stance.

"What sort of simulation would you like to battle? The holodeck can
offer you thousands of opponents, animal, human, any sort of being…"

"Jedi," Darth Maul said, igniting the second end of his lightsaber and
tossing it from one hand to the other. "An army of Jedi, a legion of
Jedi. That is who I wish to battle."

Data cocked his head in confusion.

"I'm afraid I do not recognize the term 'Jedi'."

The Sith Lord sighed and looked away, deeply frustrated. What is this
place? No Force, no Jedi…
He brought his glance back to Data.

"You then," he said, shifting back into combat position. "I wish to duel
with you."

"Very well," Data said, commanding a lightsaber identical to Darth
Maul's to appear in his hand. "I would appreciate it if you would start
slowly, as I've never used this sort of weapon before, and though it
would seem that the technique would be similar to swordplay, I'm no
expert at that by any means…"

Data's sentence was cut off as the Sith Lord moved in for the attack,
catapulting his body into the air and landing behind Data, swinging his
blade in a wide arc in an attempt to cut clear through his opponent.
Though Data's swordplay wasn't honed, his reactions were still faster
than Maul's so he was able to jump out of the way in a blur and avoid
the attack. He observed Darth Maul for a moment, noting his puzzled
expression, and assumed the same stance Maul had demonstrated before him
a moment ago. This time, when Darth Maul advanced, twirling his
lightsaber as he did, Data was more prepared for the attack and he
raised his weapon to clash loudly against his opponent's.

The pair rallied around the holodeck, every lunge from Maul's attack
expertly parried from Data, whose keen android vision was able to see
his moves as he made them, and therefore able to block each thrust, and
even get in a few lunges of his own. Darth Maul again tried using his
physical prowess and skill in acrobatics to aid in his technique, but
without the added use of the Force, he found that his jumps were not as
high, and his range not as broad, though he still packed an impressive
punch. He jumped and spun around Data, and landed a kick square in his
back, which took him a little off balance. The blow was actually more
painful on Maul's foot than he'd expected, as he forgot momentarily that
he was battling an android, and that he was therefore much harder
physically than the human race that he resembled. Still, the attack had
just the edge that the Sith Lord needed, and before Data had a chance to
recover from his momentary stumble, Darth Maul ran him through with the
end of his lightsaber He watched satisfied, as the red blade cut in an
arc across the android, the red end of his blade swishing through the
other side of Data's body. He drew back, waiting, and Data stood
watching him with interest.

Darth Maul scowled, perplexed. Why didn't he collapse? Why didn't he
die? In this bizarre world that he'd been somehow cursed to live within
for the time being, were Androids indestructible?

Darth Maul began slashing his blade at Data again, running him through
once, twice, and Data stood with his lightsaber at his side, bemused by
Darth Maul's rising anger.

"Computer, end simulation."

Both lightsabers disappeared as quickly as they had appeared, and Data
still stood intact before him.

"Where is my weapon?!" he demanded. "And why do you still live? What
variety of android can withstand the cut of a lightsaber and not
collapse?"

"This is the holodeck," Data explained. "It is a simulation of what real
events might entail. But it is a simulation nonetheless. Nothing that
happens on the holodeck is actually happening. It is all an illusion."

Darth Maul spun and paced the floor angrily, his tunic swinging about
his hips as he turned to walk away, and then abruptly turned back to
Data.

"What sort of world is this?" he asked angrily. "A world where there is
no Force, no Jedi, only simulated lightsabers! How do you exist without
these things?"

"I am not familiar with the context in which you use the words that you
do, sir. And I'm afraid I cannot answer your questions without a common
reference. Aside from the textbook definition, tell me…what is 'the
Force?' "

"Arrgh!!!" the Sith Lord raged, pacing wildly, fury gleaming in his
fire-centered eyes.

"Where are we? Where in space are we? Where is this planet we're
traveling to…Risa? How far is it from Coruscant?"

"We are exactly 9.825 hours from Risa," Data replied. "But I do not know
of any place called Coruscant."

"It is the capital planet in the central system in the galaxy, how can
you not know this?"

"It is not the central planet in -our- galaxy," Data replied, and the
two of them shared a moment of dawning. Darth Maul's ship hadn't been
poised at the entrance of the wormhole when the Enterprise had found
him; but had just come through the wormhole from the other side. From
another galaxy, a completely different world. Darth Maul's eyes widened
when he realized the enormity of the situation he faced.

"I need to see star maps," he said, then shifted his weight, steeling
himself for the answer to his next question. "What do you call this
galaxy that we are in?" Data paused for just a moment, knowing the
answer he gave would likely have a profound effect on the strange guest
that stood before him.

"This galaxy is called the Milky Way." Darth Maul nodded, his composure
in check. He held the stare of the android, his eyes glimmering, his
lips pressing tightly together as he thought of what to do.

"The star maps," he said. "I need to see them. Immediately." Data
nodded, as amazed as he knew that Darth Maul had to be, though he seemed
to hold all his emotions within.

"Follow me," Data said, walking toward the exit. He paused at the door
and Darth Maul looked at him squarely in the eyes.

"Sir, if you don't mind, I have not been told your name. How shall I
address you?" The Sith Lord's chin raised and he narrowed his eyes as he
spoke.

"You may refer to me as Lord Maul."

"Very well Lord Maul," said Data, "right this way."

====================================

"Have a seat," said Commander Riker to Darth Maul. "I'll get you
something to drink."

Darth Maul sank into a chair and awaited his host's return. Viewing the
star maps with Data had only served to make him angry and a little
concerned. The brief notion of indulging in a vacation had left him as
soon as he realized his powerless situation in the fact that he was in
another galaxy, one where he had no functioning weapon and no Dark Side
to assist him. He should never have been so haphazard in his ship,
should never have let his impatience and rage get to the point that it
did, which caused him to move so closely to the wormhole that brought
him here. But then again, Darth Sidious should have let him confront the
Jedi when he was on Dantooine; the opportunity had been perfect! But
alas, his Master had decided the time wasn't right, and Darth Maul had
obediently, though reluctantly, conceded.

He looked around at all the people who stared at him, and vaguely
wondered if he would ever get home, and if he did, if his command of the
Force would return. What if it wasn't that this world had no Force, but
was that he'd been somehow damaged as a result of that wormhole he'd
been sucked into?

A young woman walking across 10-forward paused at Darth Maul as she
passed by.

"Hello," she said with a slight purr, flashing a winning smile. Darth
Maul looked up and barely acknowledged her before he looked away again.
She circled the table and came up to him on the opposite side. Her
turquoise and black uniform was a smooth second skin against her petite
body, hugged fetchingly at her tiny waist and accented the voluptuous
swell of her bosom and slender curve of her hips.

"You're new around here," she said, running a finger across the back of
his neck. Darth Maul turned with an indignant snarl, and she smiled
again at his reaction. She brushed a stray lock of long golden hair from
her sparkling blue eyes and slid into the chair next to the Sith Lord,
leaning teasingly toward him.

"Very nice tattoo job," she said leaning her shoulders forward. "I have
a tattoo also. Would you like to see it?"

Darth Maul's yellow eyes blazed with uncertain fury. Who was this
creature who dared proposition him in such a manner? She licked her lips
teasingly.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Well, I see you've met Ensign Mary Sue," Riker said, coming up from
behind and placing his hand on the back of her chair.

"Hello Commander," she said, getting up from her seat and turning to
leave. She paused and looked over her shoulder.

"I'll see you later," she said to the Sith Lord, and she walked away.

"My apologies," said Riker, passing a Regulan spring water to Darth
Maul. "Perhaps someday she'll learn the art of subtly."

In truth, Riker was impressed. His guest had definitely been the topic
of conversation among anyone who had seen him, and all of the women in
10-forward had given him more than just a passing glance. What was it
about this unusual being that caused such a stir, he wondered.

"Have you ever been to Risa before?" Riker asked. Darth Maul shook his
head, disinterested, and looked away, out the viewers at the passing
stars outside.

"I have never been to this galaxy before," he said.

"Really," Riker mused. "So that's why you were at the edge of the
wormhole…you'd been sucked through," he paused, thinking for a moment.
"What galaxy are you from, then?"

"A galaxy superior to this!" the Sith Lord said bitterly. "A galaxy with
the Force, with a rich history of the Sith, with Jedi to stalk and
conquer! What is this world? How can a world not have the Force?! What
binds these living things together if not that?"

Riker stared at his volatile companion, surprised. He definitely
presented the look of someone who needed a holiday on Risa.

"I'm very sorry you feel that way," he said calmly, hoping to pass the
mood to the agitated visitor with his tone of voice. "But we'll get you
back to your world soon enough. Until then, we arrive on Risa in the
morning; you might find it to be just the thing you need to soothe
your…anxieties."

Darth Maul looked at the tall, bulky human suspiciously, as he regarded
most of the people he'd met since he'd been on board. They all spoke of
this planet with a peculiar edge in their voice that he didn't quite
understand. No matter. He had no time or interest for this world; he
wanted only to get back to his own.

"I will return to my quarters now," he said, standing. "If you will tell
me how to get there from here." Darth Maul already began to prepare his
mind for his meditation, seeking out what would have been the Dark Side
had he been in his own galaxy, but what seemed to be a swirling void
here in this one.

"I'll do more than that," Riker said, determined to befriend this unruly
outworlder. "I'll escort you there." As they crossed the floor almost
every woman in the room glanced up and allowed their eyes to linger on
Darth Maul's short but muscular frame. Though he was slight, he did
possess a particular air that seemed to enchant the females. He was a
definitely a babe magnet, Riker thought, and he knew that befriending
him could only be a good thing. Darth Maul scowled as they exited the
din of the bar and turned to walk down the corridor.

"What does that mean," he asked, "'babe magnet?'" Riker stopped in his
tracks.

"You're a telepath," he said. Darth Maul realized he had tapped into
something and he felt a thrill of discovery. He continued to walk,
leaving Riker behind.

"I must get to my room. I've grown quite fatigued."

Riker didn't follow him, and Darth Maul walked through the winding
corridors, trying to find some landmark familiar to him. The halls he
was now walking were different than the ones he'd been in yesterday and
he was unsure if he'd be able to find his quarters without assistance.
He paused at the end of one hallway and a teenage boy approached him.

"Hi there," he said brightly. "I was just talking to Commander Data
about you. You're the one whose ship got sucked through the wormhole."
He extended his hand toward the Sith Lord.  "I'm Wesley Crusher. You
look a little lost…are you having trouble finding your room?" Darth Maul
ignored the gesture of a handshake and stared blankly at the eager
youth.

"Yes. Show me to my quarters."

"Just follow me," said Wesley, undaunted by the Sith's refusal to accept
his handshake. As they walked, Darth Maul slipped further into his
meditation, focusing on the tickle of power that had allowed him to
hear Riker's thoughts just moments earlier.
When they arrived at the door of his quarters, Maul stepped inside and
turned to the boy, passing a finger before him in gesture barely
noticeable.

"I must rest now," Darth Maul said pointedly.

"You look tired," Wesley said mindlessly, "you'd better get some rest
now."

The Sith Lord was darkly thrilled with his discovery. There -was- the
Force in this world; it was just a different type of  Force! Inspired,
he focused on the teenager's throat, narrowed his eyes in an attempt to
take hold of the power he was used to wielding with ease.

Wesley began to cough uncontrollably, but alas, he did not choke. Hmmm.
Darth Maul realized he had much work and training to do. He released his
mental grip on the boy and the door to his quarters slid shut behind
him.

As he lowered himself into meditating position on the floor, the Sith
Lord again began to entertain the idea of a vacation. Now that he felt
he could perhaps have some control over his surroundings, a holiday
might serve to be interesting. As he calmed his mind and reached to
grasp the tendril of power that was similar to the Force from his own
world but different enough to be somewhat elusive, he felt the
beginnings of a familiar strength slowly course through him. Yes, he
thought darkly to himself as small objects around the room began to
levitate, once I can master this Force, then a vacation is probably
exactly what I need.


====================

It didn't take nearly as long as Darth Maul expected to get a decent
grasp on this new-found Force; just a couple of hours later, he was
browsing thorough the technical manuals of the Enterprise, while
simultaneously levitating various pieces of furniture in his quarters.
This vessel was most interesting; and now that he had the schematic
burned into his brain, he wanted to get a better look at the ship, and
perhaps test his newly discovered command of this other world's Force.
He opened the channel on his communications panel and hailed the
Captain.

"Picard here," came the voice over the link.

"Captain," said the Sith Lord. "I've been reading about your ship, the
Enterprise. It is a most impressive craft." From the bridge, Picard's
gaze shifted over to Riker.

"Thank you," he said guardedly. "Are you finding everything that you
require in your quarters?"

"Yes," replied Darth Maul, using the Force to idly fling a chair across
the room. "I have a request however." Picard was  uncertain of what it
was his guest was trying to say.

"What is it that I can do for you…er…I apologize, I haven't gotten your
name."

"Lord Maul."

"...Lord Maul…what is it that I can do for you?"

"I request a tour of this vessel." The Captain exchanged another glance
with Riker, then turned to Worf.

"Certainly," he replied. "Our security chief Lieutenant Worf will be
there shortly to give you a guided tour of the Enterprise."

The Klingon scowled and looked as if he might say something, but then
did not.

"Worf," said the Captain, "escort our...guest...on a tour of the ship. But
keep an eye on him. I don't want any trouble." The Klingon officer
looked uneasy with the idea, but in a clipped voice simply said, "Yes,
Captain," and left the bridge.

*****

It was sick bay he wanted mostly to see, because it was where he'd last
seen his lightsaber. The rest of the tour he tuned out for the most
part. They entered 10-forward and looked around the bustling bar for a
moment.

"I've been here before," Darth Maul said. "I don't require to see it
again." They had turned to leave when he spotted  Dr. Crusher sitting at
a table with two men.

"I know that woman," he said, gesturing to her.

"That is Dr. Crusher. She assisted you when you were first brought
onboard." Darth Maul scowled, remembering how she had spoken to him in a
disrespectful manner. "Who are the others sitting with her?"

"I don't know their names," Worf replied, shifting the weight on his
feet as Dr. Crusher obviously flirted with both men. "Dr. Crusher
is…very popular among the men of this crew." Darth Maul thought for a
moment. Something dawned on him.

"A babe," he said, remembering Riker's thoughts. "She is what you would
call a 'babe,'" Worf straightened his stature uncomfortably and his
voice was more stern this time as he spoke.

"It's not what I would call her," he said, "but what some men do."
Something else caught Maul's eye at that minute.

"That boy, I know him as well," he said.

"That is Wesley Crusher, Dr. Crusher's son," Worf said as the youth
crossed the floor.

"Her son," Maul said, a thought brewing in his mind. "Interesting." They
walked from 10-forward to head toward sick bay.

*****

The door slid open to sick bay and Maul immediately saw what he wanted.

"My weapon is in that lockbox," said Darth Maul the minute he laid his
eyes on it. "I require it. Immediately."

Worf moved to stand between the Sith Lord and the lockbox.

"Your weapon will be returned to you when you leave the Enterprise. You
have no need for it until then." Darth Maul looked up at Worf, who
towered over him by at least a foot if not more, focused his thoughts
and waved his hand in front of him purposefully.

"You will give me my weapon," he commanded.

"I will NOT," said Worf, standing tall and defensively. Darth Maul tried
again, this time focusing harder.

"You -will- give me my weapon," he repeated.

"I will NOT give you your weapon and if you ask once more I will take
you to the brig!"

Darth Maul shifted his weight and regarded the Klingon with interest.
His Dark Force trick was not working on this being, which meant he had a
very strong mind. Much anger as well, it emanated forth from his hulking
stature with a palpable vibe. A strong warrior indeed; if Maul decided
to rise up and kill Darth Sidious, this creature might make for a
formidable apprentice...

At that moment, the lights flickered and the sound of surging power
swelled throughout the Enterprise. Immediately Worf was hailed from the
Captain.

"Worf...escort Lord Maul back to his quarters and report to the bridge!"

They turned and walked down the hall toward the turbo lift and Worf
touched his communicator.

"On my way sir."

Wesley Crusher was inside the turbo lift when it opened.

"What's happening Worf?" he said worriedly, stepping out of the lift, "I
thought I was gonna get stuck in the there."

"I'm not sure," Worf said. "Ensign Crusher, please escort Lord Maul to
his quarters. I must report to the bridge immediately."

"Yes sir," Wes replied. "C'mon Lord Maul. I've been wanting to talk to
you anyway...this is a good opportunity!"

The Sith Lord ground his teeth together and entered the turbo lift with
Wesley Crusher. Almost immediately he was met with a barrage of
questions.

"Is that a tattoo on your face?" he asked. "That must've hurt a lot. And
I'd like to know more about that weapon of yours in sick bay...Data told
me it seems to be some sort of laser sword but that it isn't working
properly for some reason. He said you were great on the holodeck. I'd
like to learn to swordfight but between my schoolwork and duties on the
Enterprise, I don't have much time for anything else, like hobbies or
even girls."

The turbo lift opening was a welcome sight and as the two of them walked
down the corridor toward Darth Maul's quarters, the lights flashed on
and off intermittently.

"I wonder what's going on?" Wesley said. The Sith Lord didn't really
care one way or another what was going on, he just hoped that the lock on
his door would be functioning. Then a thought occurred to him; perhaps
this was an opportunity standing right before him. When they came to his
door, Darth Maul turned to Wesley and feigned a pleasant tone of voice.

"If you would like to come inside," he said, "I will answer your
questions."

"Great," Wesley replied. "I'm off duty until tomorrow when everyone will
be on shore leave." Maul fought back a smirk as the teenager crossed the
threshold and the door slid shut behind him.

*******

Darth Maul sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. He was most
amused.

Wesley hit the wall next to the closet for the third time with a sound
thud, his arms and legs seeming to be not in his own control. The Sith
Lord narrowed his eyes and Wesley came staggering toward him.

"You are quite clumsy," he said to Wesley, as he willed him into a chair
that was across from him. Wesley slumped into the chair, bewildered and
confused, not seeming to understand why his body was suddenly out of his
control.

"I know," he said, puzzled. "I keep running backwards into the wall for
no reason whatsoever!" Darth Maul gestured toward his black leather
gloves which lay on a table near him. The gloves flew, one at a time,
through the air and each planted a sound smack across Wesley's cheeks,
and his head shook to and fro, from the slapping gloves. Darth Maul
fought hard to contain his dark joy.

"Destined to be a loser, I should think," he said. The gloves flung
themselves neatly back onto the table and Wesley raised his hands to his
red face.

"I'm such a loser!" he moaned pitifully.

Just to make sure he still had the ability, Darth Maul reached out with
his new-found friend, this Other World's Dark Side, and tightened its
grip around Wesley's throat. The boy began to hack and gag.

"Ack...ackkk...ak..."

So it still worked. Indeed, this was entertaining! Darth Maul stretched
languidly and idly thought of things to taunt him with.

"You will never score with the girls!" he commanded, his hand waving
slightly as it raised over his head.

"Ackkkkkk..."

"Oh...here let me fix that for you," said the Sith. If he was choking he
surely couldn't respond to any of the thoughts that were being planted
into his mind. Wesley gasped and clutched his throat as air rushed back
into his lungs.

"You know," he said in a sorrowful tone, seeming to almost forget the
ache in his windpipe, "At the rate I'm going, I'm -never- gonna score
with the girls!"

Darth Maul stifled a laugh and he became as close to giddy as a Sith
can come as he held fast to the feeble mind of this annoying young boy.

"Your mom is a babe!" he commanded, and the boy opened his mouth to
speak, then faltered.

"My mom's a...a...ack...Nooo!"

"Arrgh!!!" Darth Maul growled, then conceded that even the Dark Side had
its limits.

Maul soon grew tired of his manipulation and the lights flickered on and
off once more. He opened a channel to the bridge.
"Captain, what is happening with your ship's systems?" he demanded.

"We are experiencing some problems with power surges, and the sensors
are going on and off line," the voice responded. "I'm sure it's nothing
to worry about, Lord Maul. Our engineers are working to fix the problem
right away."

Sensors, he thought to himself, remembering the diagnostic charts he'd
been reading earlier that day. If sensors were malfunctioning...

Darth Maul rose from his chair and headed toward the door. These beings
were not worthy of such a fine ship, he thought to himself. It was time
to take matters into his own capable Sith hands. Thrilled at his new
idea of conquest, he sprinted from the room and as he rounded the door
into the corridor, he realized something that made him turn back.
Leaning into the frame of the entry, he waved his hand carelessly in the
air toward Wesley.

"This never happened."

"Huh?"

Darth Maul allowed himself a very un-Sithly laugh then turned to saunter
arrogantly down the hall. As he walked away, the entire layout of the
Enterprise now emblazoned into his perfect Dark Side memory, all he
heard was a faint voice.

"What am I doing in here?"

Darth Maul laughed again; Wesley would be wondering that for quite
awhile.

*******************

"Geordi! Data! What the hell is going on?" Captain Picard's voice
snapped as the Enterprise lurched beneath him.

"Captain, warp drive is not functioning," came Data's voice. "We are now
limited to sublight speed."

"Captain," said Geordi, the throbbing hum of the warp drive powering
down to a tame vibration in the background, "Several systems are
offline! In addition to warp drive,  sensors are gone too. Wait a
minute…" Geordi's voice trailed off as something on his console caught
his attention. "Data! Take a look at this."

On the screen was a strange pattern of shapes and symbols, scrolling
across and throughout the normal systems display.
"What's going on down there?!" Picard demanded.

"Captain," said Data, "all our readouts seem to be corrupted. There is a
strange code of some sort running through our normal data." He scanned
the garbled transmission, trying to decipher the unusual symbols that
had infiltrated the usual display.

"Interesting," he said, fascinated with the new and unfamiliar shapes
and characters. "I will do my best to decode this, Captain. But it will
take some time."

*****

Darth Maul walked through the door in sick bay and was confronted with
the same ensign who had spoken to him in a most suggestive tone in
10-forward earlier that day.

"Well hello there," purred Ensign Mary Sue as he approached, "to what do
I owe the honor of this visit?" Maul focused his mind on her simple
thought pattern.

"I have come for my weapon," he said, gesturing to the box that he knew
it was locked within. His eyes narrowed and he waved his hand before her
eyes. "You will give it to me immediately." Her gaze became vacant as
she spoke.

"I'll get you your weapon," she said, and walked to the box. She tried
to open it, but it was still locked.

"Oh," she said, "I don't have the key for this. Only Lieutenant Worf has
this key." Darth Maul looked to the box, commanded the power of the
Force and the lock snapped open.

"Try again," he said walking past her. Before she could even do
anything, he popped the top of the box open and withdrew his lightsaber.
"As you see, it was indeed unlocked."

He looked down at the blank expression on the young woman's face as she
stared, apparently mesmerized by his simple trick.

"Wow," she said. "You're right. It was unlocked." Darth Maul brushed
past her to exit and as he reached the door, he decided to begin his
vacation a little earlier than expected, and he turned around in the
door frame.

"I will see you in 10-forward later," he said casually, still gripping
her fragile little mind.

She brightened considerably.

"I'll see you later!" She said with a big smile. The Sith Lord smirked,
smugly satisfied, and headed back to his quarters, lightsaber tucked
firmly inside his robe.

*****

Darth Maul had a good idea of how to fix his lightsaber, and the
replicator proved to be most useful in this venture. He was able to
command it to produce a tool which gave him the ability to open the hilt
of his weapon, and manipulate the crystals inside to compensate for the
differences of elements and Force in this strange new world.
Incidentally, he was beginning to feel less trapped by the minute. This
world  had become almost a playground of sorts. If Darth Sidious could
only see him now, he thought with a dark smile. A being superior to all
around him, with skills they could not even imagine. He reattached the
hilt of the weapon and spun it in his hand, extending it before him.
With a familiar snap hiss, one end snaked out in a flashing blur of red,
followed by the other. He twirled it over once, then twice and, content
in its ability to function, thumbed it off and attached it to his belt.
Now, he thought to himself, the real challenge begins.


******

"Captain," Data's voice said over the Comm, "I think I'm detecting a
pattern but it will be difficult to decipher the meaning of the symbols.
Meanwhile, it is spreading to slowly corrupt other systems. It appears
to be targeting the weapons systems at this time."

"How long until we lose weapons, Commander?"

"It is difficult to say. Perhaps an hour. Maybe less." Picard shifted
uneasily in his chair.

"Keep me informed."

***********

The Sith moved in a blur inside the Jeffrey tubes, his perfect memory of
the Enterprise's schematic guiding him toward his destination. The
winding, twisting labyrinth stretched out before him and he planned his
attack as he slithered along the curved bottom of the shaft. Darth Maul
stopped abruptly, realizing that he had reached the closest access point
to the bridge, and he reached to his belt for his lightsaber.

************

"Data, Geordi," said the Captain, "what progress?"

Out of nowhere there was a flash on the bridge. Ensign Young looked up
from his navigation post and in terror, his face flushed so red it
nearly matched his shirt.

In a move that was no more than a swirling blur of black, Darth Maul
grabbed the phaser from the ensign's belt and used the Force to fling
him across the bridge.

"Security!" yelled Captain Picard. "Security to the bridge!"

Darth Maul leapt across the bride in a flurry of thrashing robes,
landing directly across from the Captain. He knew that the Captain was
no real threat, since he wasn't armed, so he set out to disable those
who were.

Worf already had his phaser leveled at the Sith Lord, and as he went to
use it, Darth Maul jumped swiftly out of the line of fire. The shot that
was meant for him stunned the acting communications officer instead,
sending him to the floor unconscious. Worf had stunned one of his own!
He was hopping mad now.

Darth Maul managed to stun two other officers on the bridge, leaping and
dodging Worf's expertly aimed shots, sending the Klingon into a fit of
rage. Another officer in a red shirt drew his weapon on the Sith Lord
only to have his phaser thrown out of his hand by a surge of energy, and
his body sent flying through the air. One more ensign took a shot at
Darth Maul, and as he jumped out of the way of the phaser blast, it too
knocked out another officer, and Maul casually threw the offending
person against the wall. Now it was time for the true battle, and amid
the fire of Worf's phaser, Maul jumped in a high arc, unclipping his
lightsaber from his belt and igniting it before he hit the ground just a
few meters in front of Worf.

There was no pause between the two warriors. Worf fired his phaser,
which was set on maximum stun, and Darth Maul raised his lightsaber to
block the stream of energy that came toward him. With a blinding flash,
the lightsaber contacted the phaser blast, and the acrid stench of
burning elements sizzled in the air for a split second. With a jolt, the
lightsaber was flung from Darth Maul's hand, the one end which had been
ignited, completely shorted out, and as Worf went to issue another
phaser blast, he found his weapon was also inoperable. With a battle cry
that resounded throughout the bridge, Worf jumped on Darth Maul, knocking
him to the ground under his powerful weight, and he began to wrestle with the
Sith Lord on the floor of the bridge.

The two rolled about the floor, issuing punches and kicks, Darth Maul's
only advantage to Worf's size being his grip on the Force. In his mind,
he was thinking that this was the true test, and this being was proving
to be worthy of an apprenticeship, when all at once, the bridge was
flooded with a security team, all weapons aimed at Darth Maul.

He could only fend off so much. Even though he was prepared for the
barrage of fire issued toward him, half a dozen weapons went off on
maximum stun, and finally Maul's body gave in to the assault of phaser
fire it was being pummeled with. Worf was still raging, his mind caught
up in the blood thirst of battle, and his officers had to pull him back
before he strangled the now-immobilized Sith Lord.

"Worf!" yelled Captain Picard. "Worf! Enough!"

The security team gathered around Darth Maul, who was barely holding
onto his consciousness, and he looked up at Worf, who had fire blazing
in his eyes. A worthy apprentice, he thought as his hands were bound
behind him and the Captain's voice echoed in his ears.

"Take this animal to the brig!" Picard ordered, walking up to Maul and
giving him a searing glare as they dragged him away.
"You're lucky the phasers were only set on stun, otherwise all these
people would have been killed… including yourself," he said.

A puzzled look crossed Darth Maul's face, twisting the tattoo into an
even weirder contortion than it's usual state.

"Stun setting?" he asked, anger rising as the turbo lift door closed.
"WHAT IS THE POINT OF A STUN SETTING??!"

*****************