"Fund Raiser"

By Jenner
Rating: PG-13
Summary:  A shorty!!  The Jedi try to increase the effectiveness of
their fund-raising technique.

I hope no one else has written this plot before, it seems kind of
like an obvious lust-wish.  For me, it sprang forth from reminiscing
about the water-polo calendar at my college a couple years ago.  Boy,
I wish I'd saved that thing.  Anyway…today was my first day
of teaching 1st graders, and I needed a little silly fanfic break, so
here goes.  :)

Oh! And one of the other teachers at my school looks like
Qui-Gon's bastard half-Hispanic child!  Green eyes, dark hair,
very similar features, tall…I gotta get a picture of him.  And
I'm doing lesson plans with him on Friday.  Oohh, lesson
plans…does *that* sound suggestive…  :)

…

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan strode through the noisy commerce center.  For
once, Qui-Gon was stretching his legs to keep up with his
apprentice.  "Obi-Wan, is there some reason you're
hurrying?"

Obi-Wan slowed very slightly.  "Sorry, Master." 

They soon reached another walkway and the crowd thinned. 
"Padawan, a woman's affection is no cause for
embarrassment."

"Yes, Master.  It's just, it was so--".  Obi-Wan trailed
off with anxiety.

"Yes?"

"Vocal…and obvious.  And there were so many, all calling at
me.  I'm afraid I was a bit overwhelmed.  Once again, I apologize
for my behavior."

"It's all right, Obi-Wan."  Qui-Gon thoroughly suppressed
his smile.  "Do you have any idea what could have caused these
outbursts?"

Obi-Wan faltered, "I..I--"

Qui-Gon placed a hand on his Padawan's shoulder.  "Never
mind." 

Obi-Wan noticed only a trace of amusement flowing through the Force
from his Master.  With slight anxiety, he wondered if his Master had
already found out.  Would he be angry? 

…

Qui-Gon sat in his quarters, staring at the package containing his
recently arrived official Jedi calendar for the new year. Just as he
began opening the package, Obi-Wan came in from the next room.

Obi-Wan recognized the package and stopped.  "Master, why
don't you let me take care of that for you?"

Qui-Gon didn't glance up.  "I am capable of handling it
Obi-Wan."  His fingers continued opening the complicated shipping
package.

"I don't want to trouble you with trivial mail, Master."

"Trivial?  The Jedi calendar this year raised an incredible
amount of funds.  I've never heard of a year when the calendar
sold so well.  I can't wait to see what caused such a stir.
Come, you
can open it with me."

Obi-Wan sat down in the chair next to Qui-Gon and waited for the
inevitable.  "Yes, Master."

The calendar was finally unwrapped, and Qui-Gon stared mutely at the
cover.  A troop of naked male Jedi, Masters, Knights, and
Apprentices, were arranged all together.  Their manhoods (or what
passed for their particular species manly parts) were discreetly hid
by a variety of objects, including comlinks, lightsabers, and
assorted fruits. 

Qui-Gon quirked an eyebrow at an increasingly grim-looking Obi-Wan. 
He thumbed the calendar open to the first month and stared at the
cover.  The Padawan for that month wore only an obi and tabard.  And
the tabard was parted in the middle, revealing all.  The 'all' was
substantially erect, of course.  However, it was nothing Qui-Gon had
not seen before.  It was, after all, his own apprentice staring back
at him from the glossy calendar page. 

Qui-Gon stared at the flesh and blood miserable apprentice sitting
next to him . "Obi-Wan, I'm shocked!" 

Obi-Wan moved slightly, meaning to take the calendar from
Qui-Gon's grasp, but then thought better of it and dropped his
hands back into his lap.  "I'm sorry, Master."

Qui-Gon let his face crack ever so slightly, but kept up the
outrage.   "I can't believe they sent us the male's
calendar!" 

Obi-Wan's head snapped back up in wonder.  "You…you
what?"

Qui-Gon smirked.  "I specifically requested the female's
calendar.  Perhaps I'll have to dispel those rumors that have been
circulating about us, after all."

Obi-Wan blinked while his mind spun in his head.  "Um, I think
the female's calendar is the one with men in it.  The male's
calendar would have the women in it."

"Are you certain?"

Obi-Wan nodded.  "Master?"

"Yes?"

"You're not…angry?"

He passed the calendar over.  "Padawan, who do you think is the
Master of the last month?"

Obi-Wan took the calendar and flipped to the last month.  His jaw
dropped wide.  "Master!"

The Jedi Master merely smiled.

Obi-Wan's brow knitted.  "Hey!  They told me the can of
whipped cream was off limits!"

Qui-Gon's smiled broadened.  "I had them reserve it for
me," he said, as easily as if he were talking about a table at a
restaurant.

Obi-Wan smiled again, then continued flipping through the calendar to
see who else was in it.  "I didn't know Plo Koon could bend
that way," he said with awe.  Obi-Wan flipped a couple more pages
and abruptly put down the calendar. 

His Master smirked at Obi-Wan's reaction.  "You must have
gotten to the seventh month.  I tried to tell Master Yoda that the
orange teddy clashed with his green skin tone, but you know how well
the Council members take my advice."

Obi-Wan nodded.  "Yeah…the orange was bad…but it
wouldn't have been quite so awful if he hadn't taken that
Viagra."

Qui-Gon's smirk was wiped off his face and he nodded in sympathy
with Obi-Wan.  "I should have warned you, Padawan."

"Uh-huh."  Obi-Wan had looked at bit green for a second
himself.  "Master?"

"Yes?"

"I received my shipment of the male's calendar this
morning."

"You did?"

"Guess who's the last month?"

Qui-Gon held his breath for a minute.  "Adi?"

Obi-Wan nodded, and both Jedi were a blur of motion as they ran to
Obi-Wan's room.