search TITLE:Hurt (1/?)
AUTHOR:Nike Skylark (ElectricKissedDarkness@hotmail.com)
RATING:PG (will be up to NC-17)
CHARACTERS:jaina solo, jacen solo, tsavong lah, vergere, mara jade skywalker
CATERGORY:drama, angst, horror
DISCLAIMER:i don't own star wars... i'm not making any money off this. all these characters belong to LFL. the name of the fic i got from the song 'hurt' by nine inch nails. i think the song fits the fic very well
SUMMERY:who far would jaina go to rescue jacen from the vong???
NOTES:the chapters to this aren't gonna be very long. it's gonna be tons of short chapters ranging from a few paragraphs to only a few pages. i'm a pretty slow writer and i find it easier to write something short and lots of them then to come up with lots of stuff to put into one thing
SPOILERS FOR STAR BY STAR


"i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real"
-hurt by nine inch nails


# - indicates thoughts


Hurt by Nike Skylark


Pain. Blinding white pain filled his eyes. The pain. That is all he ever felt anymore. The torture was all he could think of anymore. He tried not to. To think of it would surely lead to anger, anger to hate, to the dark side. The familiar pain grew larger. Everything went dark.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Jaina looked at herself in the full length mirror, in her temporary quarters on the Errant Venture. She could barely look at herself anymore. All she could think of is what she had done. She let her little brother die, turned to the dark side, dishonoring his sacrifice, to retrieve his body. And Jacen. Jacen. She abandoned him. After she accused him of abandoning their brother, she abandoned him.

#What a hypocrite I am. I shouldn't be here. I should be finding Jacen. All I can feel is anger... anger is of the dark side. I am a failure at a Jedi. I hate myself. I hate everything#

Jaina turned from the mirror towards her bed, where her jedi robes were layed out neatly. She got dressed. Another day. Another day to endure. Another day Jacen, Jaina knew, would have to endure in *their* hands. It's been only 6 days since she has left Hapes, and the Trickster, behind her. When the Errant Venture popped out of hyperspace near Hapes, Jaina was one of the first to hop on. Anything to get away from anything that reminded her of Jacen, or Anakin.

Keeping her feelings of being a Jedi failure to herself, she started to help Kam and Tionne teach the Jedi students about the Force and how to be a Jedi. Tionne said she was a natural at teacher and the students looked up to her.

"I'm so proud of you Jaina. You're better at this teaching thing then I ever thought possible," Tionne told Jaina.

"I didn't think I could do this either," Jaina replied, holding back the urge to tell Tionne everything about what has been happening to her. "It's also a lot more enjoyable then I would have thought," Jaina added with feigned enthusiasm and a forced smile.

END OF PART 1 (this will probably be the shortest chapter) TO BE CONTINUTED in part 2: Houses of Cards