Sub-note: IMPLIES THE EVENTUAL END TO THE METAVERSE
SERIES! Take heed, you've been warned.
Poem is one of mine that i just ran across in an old
folder. Too mushy for anything decent, but perfect
for
the fic.
---------------

Xanatos awoke with a start. He sighed, calming his
erratic breathing and recognizing his
surroundings with both relief and regret. Ever since
returning to his own world, each night had been the
same. Fearing exposure and recognition by the jedi,
avoiding Telos and the Offworld corporation at all
costs, and, most difficult of all, living without the
one thing that had made life tolerable while trapped
in
the Metaverse.
His Love.

(*If you were not my true love, then why does my
heart ache so?*)

Of course, she’d thought him arrogant, flippant,
nothing more than a self-absorbed rich boy out
to seduce the galaxy into darkness. Well, he had been
in the beginning, but that hadn’t been entirely his
own fault. He was still a spoiled rich boy, and damn
proud of it, but there wasn’t a moment that passed
that he didn’t think about giving it all up to be lost
in the chaotic miasma that had brought him so close to
true love.
If only he’d brought her with him.

(*If you were not my true love, i would not have had
to go.*)

There had been a moment, a heartbeat of a second
between reality and altered reality, on the
fringes of the universe as the last portal had
collapsed when he could have taken the chance. He
could
have reached out, taken the hand trying to stop him
from dissapearing into the unknown, altered his own
destiny once again, and perhaps even changed her own.

He’d felt the instant slipping away, the brief
flicker of time and space changing its mind, and lost
the opportunity to change things forever. He could
have stayed behind, he could have found a way back,
he could have chosen another portal altogether. He
could even have brought her through, into this world
of starfighters and aliens, of lightsabers and
colliding Forces.
But he hadn’t, and the universe laughed at him for
it.

(*Your memory haunts my waking dreams, the ceaseless
stars know my misery.*)

Exar was dead, a ghost in the past, as was Ulic, long
since forgotten in these modern times.
Obi-wan had outgrown any vague friendship they’d
formed the moment they’d returned, and Qui-gon had
vanished off into his own little reality again, never
hearing the apology Xanatos had stayed up nights
writing down, just so he wouldn’t forget when it came
time to face him.
He’d never faced him, he’d never spoken up, and now,
the years were creeping on, and he feared
he’d never have the chance.
Maul had vanished completely, the Maul of this world
was still an untainted killing machine, no
Oprah, no Felix, and most of all, no Fanfic. Evyl Obi
was gone as well. Wherever he’d gone after the
portal had collapsed, only the fates knew. Perhaps he
no longer even existed, except only in the text
printed on a computer screen somewhere.

(*If you were not my true love, how could i miss you
so?*)

Xanatos sighed wearily, raking his hair out of his
face and glancing at the clock. It was barely
midnight. He’d never get back to sleep now, not with
his waking thoughts haunted by lost friends and
missed moments of chance. There was no Tardis to go
back and try again, no portal to traverse in search
of adventure, and no warm form on the other side of
the bed to welcome him home.
Okay, so that had only been once he’d caught her
waiting for him, but it had still been the most
memorable moment of their time together, the one that
had made him realize she was the reason he never
wanted to leave again.

(*I am shadowed without you, my light, my Sun, my
greatest joy.*)

The skyline of Coruscant’s capital city was visible
through a gap in the red velvet drapes. He
still lived in his rich boy’s apartment, with his
rich-boy antiques, and his rich-boy decor. The bed
was
swathed in red satin sheets, the baseboard of gold and
ebony. Black, red and gold dominated the room,
he’d given up blue, it reminded him too much of home.

A set of swords he’d picked up on Earth decorated one
wall, one of the few reamining items that
hadn’t vanished the moment the portal had collapsed.
Red dragon-print silk, the blades frost-etched in
the same pattern.
They’d been blue silk when he’d bought them.
Another quirk of the universe, laughing at his folly
in finding love and peace in a place that
didn’t exist.

(*Tears of the stars, oh how they mock us now.*)

He arose from bed, striding over to the windows,
sighing that he couldn’t throw them open to the
night air like the Hotel. They said that ‘home’ was
where the heart was, and his heart most certainly
wasn’t here. It was back in the Metaverse, lost to
the shifting winds of fate.
With a sad, longing smile, he watched the tiny specks
of light streaking past in the night sky, the
traffic heavy even in the dead of night in the
capitol. He’d once had everything he’d ever wanted,
and thrown
it all away for revenge, Now, he had everything he
could possibly dream of in wealth and power, and he’d
instantly throw it all away for the one thing he
really needed.
Her.

(*A joke of things that might have been.*)

A quiet noise in the outer rooms drew his attention.
He caught a black silk houserobe from the
chair as he passed, frowning curiously as he opened
his bedroom door.

“I’m sorry, Master Xanatos is asleep, and cannot
recieve visitors..” the protocol droid that
doubled as his majordomo was saying to someone at the
door. Xanatos frowned, wondering who could
possibly be stupid enough to bother him at this hour
of the night. He tied the robe closed, descending the
steps to the living room, then pausing.

“TX, who is it?” he called, carefully stepping over
the large black feline he’d adopted that
insisted upon sleeping in the middle of the carpet.
The droid made a sound like a ticking annoyed sigh.
“It is some annoying human female who refuses to be
told she should go away and come back at
a more appropriate time of day,” the droid said, then
started to push the door closed again.
“TX,” he scolded, and the droid looked at him oddly
for a moment. Xanatos gestured for
him to open the door. He sighed, planting his fists
on his hips and making a mental note to have TX
reprogrammed in the morning. He shook his head,
stepping closer to the entryway as TX held the door
open.
“I’m sorry about the droid, is there something i can
help....” he began, then trailed off, his hands
falling from his hips to hang loosely at his sides.
The girl had steped into the room, looking sheepish
and
lost. Xanatos stared, disbelieving.
“I, um, i think there was an accident with my
Tardis,” she said hesitantly. “It kind of dropped
me out by your front door,” she said, gesturing with
her thumb over her shoulder at the door. Xanatos
laughed, stunned. She waved timidly, a perfect
imitation of Evyl Obi’s sheepish wave.
“Hi Xani,” she said quietly, then shrugged.

(*If you were not my true love, how could i cry for
you?*)

He barely thought for more than a moment before
rushing across the room to scoop the startled
and bewildered woman up in his arms, spinning her
around with a laugh. He found themselves against
the column next to the entryway, nearly drownding in a
desperate kiss. Finally, they came up for air,
laughing, tears of joy streaming down his face as he
caressed away her own.
“You have no idea how much i’ve missed you, Love,” he
breathed against her cheek, desperately
hoping that she wasn’t about to vanish like so many
dreams before. She smiled, pushing a stray lock of
hair out of his face.
“Don’t dissapear on me again,” she said quietly,
holding onto the shoulder of his robe as if he
might slip away. He leaned down into another kiss,
deeper, more reassuring and passionate. He held her
as close as physically possible, lost completely in a
sea of emotions.

-------
(*The cruelty of the universe, waking, to break the
spell of dreaming*)

The alarm went off, and Xanatos awoke with a start.
He was drenched with sweat and breathing
unevenly. It took him a moment to recognize his own
apartment, and the Coruscant daylight streaming
through the heavy draperies. He sighed with a groan,
falling back into his pillow and draping his arm
over his eyes.

(*I awake alone, missing you more than you shall ever
know.*)

//Only another dream,// he sighed to himself.
He opened one eye and looked toward the bathroom as
the door opened.
//But oh, what a wonderful dream...//
He smirked, looking up at the auburn-tressed beauty
striding out of the bathroom, modestly
wrapped up in his houserobe. She smiled, sitting down
with a bounce on the edge of the bed as he
dropped his arm away from his eyes.
“So, ya miss me?” Shelly asked. Xanatos laughed.
“More than you’ll ever know, Love,” he said, then
closed his eyes, sighing. She leaned over him,
kissing him on the cheek where the scar had formerly
resided, now healed away for reasons he kept to
himself. He smiled, opening one eye and looking up at
the curtain of her hair casting a shadow across
both their faces.
“More than you’ll ever know.”

------end--------

If you were not my true love...
Then why does my heart ache so?
I find your absence lays heavily on my pillow,
My loss, my heart, my Love.

If you were not my true love, I would not have had to
go.
My wayward days are behind me,
My heart rests hollow without your love.

If you were not my true love, then why can i not let
you go?
Your memory haunts my waking dreams,
The ceaseless stars know my misery.

If you were not my true love, how could i miss you
so?
I am shadowed without you,
My light, my Sun, my greatest joy.

Tears of the stars, oh how they mock us now.
We are but fading memories to them,
A joke of things that might have been.

If you were not my true love, how could i cry for
you?
My hardened heart knows no more joy,
My love is gone without you.

Careless dreams, to bring sorrow with the dawn.
The cruelty of the universe, waking, to break
the spell of dreaming.
In dream, i am with you, once again in the sun.

I awake alone, missing you more than you shall
ever know.
Much more than you shall ever know.

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