Author: Branwyn Harrison (ravenselene@hotmail.com)
Title: Jedi: A Hate Song
Disclaimer: George, yada yada.
Warning: DO NOT FLAME ME SAYING THAT THE JEDI DO NOT SUCK, THE JEDI ARE COOL
AND I AM A ROTTEN PERSON. I love them just as much as you do. This is
intended to be HUMOROUS. E-mail me for a complete definition of that word.
Note: If you've ever read Dorothy Parker, a brilliantly witty poetess of the
early 20th century, you will recognize this form. If not, all you need to
know is that she wrote a series of Hate Songs, all of them in the style I
have attempted to emulate here, on Women, Men, Actors, Slackers, Bores,
Relatives etc. This, I think, would be a sentiment expressed by Xani, though
not exclusively by him. ;-)

Jedi: A Hate Song

I hate Jedi
They interfere with my digestion.

There are the Masters
The Only Father You Will Ever Know
They are always full of advice
They think there is a way to do everything
That will make you a better person
They say they must teach you well
So that you may pass on what you have learned
When they are One With the Force
I wish the Force would hurry up!

Then there are the Padawans
They are braided, dimpled and tanned.
They are always getting into scrapes
Then confessing their errors in repentant tears
They're no good in a fight until you're already dead
You are their inspiration; they want to be just like you
They say they would die for you;
I wish they would kindly oblige.

And then there are the Council Members
They are grave, serene and calm
They are continually meditating
To get at peace with themselves
They send you out on missions to places they've never been
You're still supposed to protect the Queen
While the Sith are at your heels
They are concerned with peace and justice
While you are in danger of being eaten by wild rancors.
They want to bring balance to the Force
At the same time they want to destroy the Sith--
What's up with that?

I hate the Jedi;
They interfere with my digestion.