The big moving truck, it was huge! It rumbled right next door, to the empty house. "Oh no, new neighbors." I groaned. "Just what I need."

My question was answered. A cab pulled up and two figures, clad in long, black robes stepped out. One was human with grey eyes, as far as I could tell. The other, well…..the other looked human but with red and black marks running down his face. But those eyes! They looked like eyes of a snake. They were a red-yellow, like they were on fire. They looked at their surroundings and went inside.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed. "The fucking IRS! I hate 'em, I hate them 
all!" I received another letter, you know one of THOSE letters. With my job, 
I could never pay what they were asking, plus the bills, and the landlord. 
Who buy the way was a bastard, the guy couldn't even speak English. He was 
Italian, I could speak Spanish, and the languages were similar so I could 
talk to him a little. The only English he knew was, "I've got to have money 
now, you see?" 

I groaned. "Oh god, there gonna come take me away, confiscate my all my 
things." I gasped. "They'll burn my Star Wars action figure collection!" I 
was only clad in a towl, my hair was a tangly mess of wavy black strands. 
With another groan, I fell face flat on the large bed. 

My St. Benard, Moco, which meant bugar in Spanish, jumped on the bed and 
started licking the side of my face. "Yea, Yea, I know your hungry." I jumped 
up. I had an idea. I ran to the computer, and found what I was looking for. I 
could place an ad in the paper. I could get a roommate, who could help with 
rent. I went to work writing an ad. 

When I felt like someone was watching me. I turned to the window and opened 
it. There, Mr. Fire eyes was staring out his window, right at me. He just 
stood there staring. I swallowed, I closed my curtains and stood there for a 
minute. I peeked out from the curtain, he was still looking at the window. He 
grinned, and walked away. Oh, man I'm gonna be murdered alive. The phone 
rang, and I yelped. I walked slowly towards it. I didn't care who it was as 
long as the didn't say, "The call is coming from inside the house." I would 
be okay. I picked it up. "Hello?" No one answered. "Hello, hello? Okay listen 
asshole, if you're there you better speak up, or I'll……..I'll….get really 
mad!" Then finally a deep voice talked, "Why don't you get mad?" 

"Huh? Who is this?" 

"Just let the darkside flow, release your anger."

"Okay, if this is the Columbia Record Club, the answer is no, everyone knows 
you guys are scam okay, I don't want anymore c.d.'s" 

"What is the……Columbia Record Club?"

"You're kidding me right? You mean to tell me you've never heard of those 
bloodsucking bitches? Man, you're lucky. But seriously….okay I will call the 
police, and………and………and I have a really, really big dog who likes to eat 
perverts, so-"

"Maybe I'll talk to you later……………neighbor." He hung up. 

Oh shit, I was in trouble. "MOCO! COME HERE BOY!" The dog came into the room, 
staring at me. I whistled and clapped my hands and we sat down on the bed 
together. There was no chance in hell this dog was leaving my side, not after 
THAT conversation. I looked around at the room. Man, this is why it's not 
good to live alone. I hope someone will answer my ad. The dog looked at me, 
his ears up at attention, and his head cocked to the side. "What?!! Okay 
maybe I am a scaredy-cat, but you would be too if some guy with a 
very……very……nice, deep, sexy voice, who happens to be your neig---" What 
was I saying! 

"Oh, I guess it could've been worse, he could of asked me what was my 
favorite scary movie!" OOH, I was going to go storming next door and give 
that bastard a piece of my mind! First I better get dressed, then go into 
enemy lines.

I got dressed, fed the dog, and grabbed the purse and keys. But first I was 
going to the new neighbors house. I did not like prank calls whatsoever. 
Especially ones that make me wet, just by hearing someone's voice. I was 
beginning to think I was pathetic. Oh well, I rang the doorbell and waited. 
The elderly man answered the door. 

"May I help you my dear?" I exhaled and licked my lips. "Yes, you or whoever 
else lives with you prank called my house, and I didn't exactly appreciate 
being scared out of my wits." He grinned and cocked an eyebrow. "How do you 
know that it was someone at this house?" He did have a point, but somehow I 
just knew it, I could place that voice with Mr. Fire Eyes. 
"Well...........I.............I....um.....I just know!" He grinned again and 
motioned for me to come in, well what do I got to lose? So I stepped inside. 
Mr. Tatoo walked in.....with ONLY loose pants on. My mouth dropped open as my 
eyes took him in. 

"Who is this Master?" He asked. Oh yea, that's the same voice. That very, 
very, very, nice voice. They both chuckled, as if they read my mind. "This is 
our new neighbor apprentice, although I did not catch your name my dear." My 
mouth was still open, my eyes still looking at his perfect body. "Um....I'm 
Isabel, but um...everyone calls me Smudge." My eyes never left Mr. Perfect. 
"I am Lord Sidious and this is my Apprentice Darth Maul." I smiled for the 
heck of it. "Oh well....welcome to the neighborhood.....um.......It was nice 
meeting you..but I better go now.....um......if you need anything just...let 
me know." I backed up to the door. Why was I so afraid? 

"Actually, there is something you can do." I looked up at him and licked my 
lips. "We need some supplies and are not familar with this city, could you 
take my apprentice with you to what I believe is 
called...............Walmart?" I laughed. 

"Woa, you guys want to go straight into the viper pit of all mankind right 
away don't you?" He nodded. God, I was nuts, but this was gonna be fun. "Sure 
I'll take sith boy, um...meet me out in the car!" They both nodded and 
grinned. 

I ran outside and walked to the car. "ISABEL YOU ARE SO IN TROUBLE!" I got 
into the car and waited. 

"Here is the list Maul and make sure you get everything on it." 

"Yes Master, What exactly is.......Wal-mart?" Sidious laughed. 

"Listen to me apprentice, this is a mission, not a trip. Wal-Mart is where 
all lowly creatures go to spread their anger and hatred. There are vultures 
and things not worthy of air. It consumes menacing and mentally unstable 
people. Wal-Mart is a belly of Evil. You must not fail. Your sanity depends 
on it." 

"Yes master, I will not fail you." He turned with a bow and left to face the 
greatest evil that existed on the planet of Earth. WALLY WORLD.

Wal-Mart was different from anything Maul had ever seen. People grabbing 
things and fighting over shopping carts as if their lives depended on it. 
Pathetic, he thought. His master was right, people were insane here. 

I took in a big cleansing breath. "Ok, what is the first thing on the list?" 
He handed me the list I almost choked. 

1. Oreos
2. One set of Teletubby boxers.
3.Winnie the Pooh tee-shirts
4. Tigger tee-shirts.
5.Depends
6. Leopard Print Briefs???
7. Electric Shocker....Hmm...............I wonder if the Electric Shocker 
were for him or the master? I laughed out loud at that thought.

"They are for my master." He read my thoughts. "He.......has a condition."

"Condition? What kind of condition?" He glared at me and then grinned. 

"My master is afraid at night time that the.....................boogie 
man..... will get him, so he keeps an electric shocker to make him feel more 
safe." I busted out laughing at hit the floor. "THE BOOGIE MAN??!! You mean 
to tell me that a dark lord of the sith is afraid of the boogie man??!!!" 

I led him down the baby aisle to pick up Johnson's Baby Shampoo, apparently 
for his master. I pointed to the two containers of shampoo. Maul picked the 
honey kind up and the regular kind up. Deciding which one. He read the 
contents carefully, not sure of what to decide. His frustration raised to the 
boiling point. *My master was right, Wal-Mart shopping is evil, the two 
bottles where the same one was colored differently* You could see the anger 
on his eyes. It was rather amusing. Just then someone bumped into him, 
hitting his heels with their cart. Maul spun around, whipping out his 
lightsaber cutting the shopping cart in half. The woman just looked at him 
and ran for her life. "THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO MESS WITH A DARK LORD OF THE 
SITH!!" He roared. His eyes still glaring at the woman. Using the force he 
knocked some boxes over the shelf tripping her. I was on my hands and knees 
laughing. 

We headed down the grocery area of Wally World. We stopped in front of some 
grapes. I grabbed a bag and tie. "You pick the grapes." He picked one grape 
and tasted it. He spit out. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS! These are not ripe like 
they should be," He pointed to one of the blue vested workers. "YOU! I wish 
to speak with the manager, NOW!!" I grabbed the raging sith by his arms. 
"Woa, Maully boy, let it go!" He glared at the worker. Poor guy. 

After an hour of confusion and more outbursts came the real test of power. 
The checkout line. We got in the shortest one possible, but it didn't help he 
was loosing patience. After 15 minutes he blew. "WILL YOU HURRY UP! AND YOU 
CALL YOURSELVES CIVILIZED, HAH! ALL YOU ARE IS SLOW!!!" He ignited his 
lightsaber and quickley all the people ahead of us moved so me and maul could 
check out. I wiped away my tears of laughter. The checkout guy was a pimply 
faced teenager with braces. He tried to check us out as fast as we could.

"Hey! You can't cut in line you asshole! Get back where you were shit head!" 
Maul turned to glare at this fat bum, with his stomach hanging out and pants 
falling down. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He yelled and 
started to force choke the man. "You insolent fool, do think you can beat the 
Darkside??!!!" He released the man and we checked out. After a few 
"adventures" in the parking lot. We finally ended up driving home. 

I kept catching myself glancing at him. He broke the silence, "I must say 
Mistress Smudge, I have never seen true evil until I experienced that." I 
laughed again. I licked my lips. I grinned wildly, "Do you want to go rent 
some movies?"

"Rent Movies?" He asked. I grinned.

"Yea, it's a store, where it's a library of movies, or in your
case--holovids. You check them out for a period, take them home, watch 'em
and return them." He nodded and turned to look at the window. We pulled in
the Blockbuster parking lot, and got out of the car. A young guy who was
checking movie boxes smiled and said, "Hey! Welcome to Blockbuster!" I
smiled. Mauly glared evily at him, and the guy swallowed and quickly returned
to what he was doing. We walked down the aisles.

"So what kind do you like, action, romance, drama, comedy?" He leaned down
and picked up a case from the bottom, staring at the cover, he put it back.

"I like porn." He said still looking at the shelf. I lauged out loud. "Porn?
Ok..Porn we could do porn." I started walking towards a certain movie I had
in mind when, I saw it. We had to get it. The great movie itself, Austin
Powers. I mainly wanted it, for a certain line that would just go so well
with Maul. Do I make you horny baby? I picked up all the Mortal Kombats, he
might enjoy one of the stunt man in it.  I grabbed it and looked for maul, I
spotted his tall dark frame and walked towards him. He was staring up at all
the t.v. screens in awe.

"What is it?" I looked at the t.v. screen it was on MTV.

"That is the most pathetic song I have ever heard." I laughed.

"Oh, Crazy? I guess your not a Britney Spears fan huh? Don't worry neither am
I." He looked at me. "Britney who?" I grinned.

"Never mind. Here, these are the movies I think you might enjoy." I handed
him the movies, but his attention was fixed on a certain movie cover. He
picked up. He grinned.

"We must get this one, My master loves these guys." I looked at the cover.
TELETUBBIES?!?! His master has different tastes than I thought. "Ok.....will
get this." I lead him to the check out stand, and the guy was stealing
glances at Maul. He noticed this and his rage was rising. "What are you
staring at?!?" He yelled at the young teenager. He didn't give him time to
answer, Maul already had him by the throat hurling him across the store. Maul
picked up the movies and was storming out of the store. I managed another
glance at the paralyzed kid as he waved and said, "Thank-you for making it a
blockbuster night!" In a squeaky voice. I went to the car, and got in.

I just stared out the windshield for a minute and then reached for the
ignition, but my hands were caught by Maul first. I gasped. "Are you afraid?"
His voice was deep and sensual. He raised my fingers to his lips and took one
in his mouth lightly sucking on it. "Um..............no.........I'm not
afraid." He now leaned over and began to nibble on my neck and right
shoulder. "Yes you are. You are very afraid," he reached down to the zipper
of my shirt, "very, very, very afraid." He began to move the zipper down more
with every very. I freaked out, I pushed him off and quickly started the
ignition. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I managed a glance at him. He
was just grinning evily and had his eyes fixed on me. I pulled into his drive
way and helped him with the groceries and movies. I quickly left, not wanting
having to talk with his master. But I did hear him say proudly, "Teletubbies,
you have done well apprentice. You have pleased your master. Did you get the
leapord print briefs?" I sighed, "Neighbors."

~*~ Updated 3/5/2000 ~*~