Author's Note:
I've been intrigued with the concept of "First Offering" (the offering of
one's sexual innocence) referred to in the M_A archives. But since I've yet
to find a het story of the sort, I've decided to write my own. Again, the
concept of "First Offering" comes from the M_A Archives, but I don't know who
originally introduced the idea. Whoever you are, thank you and hope this
story meets with your approval - Aya

No Regrets
Author: Sarina Argus aka Aya
Rating: not sure just yet, may go R
Pairing: OW/F
Summary: Obi-Wan's first offering.
Archive: sure just let me know where. Corellia, OKEB and Sith Chicks have
permission already.
Special Thanks to the MJ sibs for betaing and for helping me through the
toughest part: NAMING THE DARN THING!!
Disclaimer: Not written for money, done out of love. The story and original
characters are mine. The rest are George's, thanks for letting me borrow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
First Offering: The night when most all the padawans would enjoy their first
intimate experiences. Traditionally this was a sacred event, this
exploration of feeling and emotion. Tonight, the new class of padawans would
take part in this age-old ritual.

He entered the hall, swathed in white from head to toe, a green ribbon pinned
to his chest. He would present this ribbon to the person he wished to share
his 'first offering,' the gift of his innocence. His red-gold braid fell
softly opposite the ribbon. Obi-Wan Kenobi went to the council and bowed, as
was customary, then began to scan the room. He saw the other padawans
separated into groups, talking in hushed tones as they shyly surveyed the
others. He spied his friend Bant, standing with her friend Neela, and
smiled, slowly making his way to them.

"Good evening Padawan Kenobi," she said formally, a glint of humor in her
voice.

He grinned and relaxed a bit. "Funny Bant. Make me more nervous than I
already am."

"Stop worrying. Everyone knows..." she started.

Master Windu interrupted them. "Padawan Kenobi, may I have a word with you?"

"Of course master." He excused himself and followed Windu to a quiet corner.

Windu hesitated. "Obi-Wan, I know... that is I just received word tonight
Padawan Kender will not be here tonight. She and Master Toth were diverted
to Cinnagar to mediate a hostile territorial dispute. It was a last minute
change. They were requested specifically. Master Toth's friendly
relationship with both factions made him the only choice."

Obi-Wan digested the news quietly, keeping the disappointment from his
expression. "Thank you Master Windu." Unpinning the ribbon, he said, "I'll
be returning to my quarters then."

"If that is your wish. However, you should let your friends know you're
leaving. " Obi-Wan nodded, then bowed. Windu nodded to him and left.

Obi-Wan let his anger into the force, but still felt disappointment. Their
lives would always be like this, service taking priority over personal
wishes. He should be used to it by now, he told himself. This was what his
future held. Missed opportunities and bad timing all in the service of an
ungrateful universe.

He chided himself for such selfish thoughts. A Jedi's life is dedicated to
service. Master Toth and Shara were only doing their duty. While he
accepted this, it still didn't mean he had to like it. There would be other
times, he told himself, wondering vaguely if he actually believed it.

Clutching the green silk, Obi- Wan went back to Bant and Neela, who now stood
with another friend Reeft. He barely heard Master Gallia begin the
traditional announcement as he approached his friends. Forcing a smile, he
put a hand on Reeft's shoulder.

Bant noticed the change in his demeanor. "Obi-Wan, what was that all about?"

His smile sank a little. "Shara won't be here tonight. There was an
emergency and they were the closest." He chuckled weakly. "Such is the life
of a Jedi."

"Are you leaving?" Reeft asked. Around them the exchange of ribbons began.

"Yes," he answered. He attempted another smile and said "Hope you enjoy the
night."

He was almost to the door when a soft voice stopped him. "Obi-Wan?"

He turned to answer Bant. "Yes?"

She hesitated, taking a deep breath. "I know you're disappointed because she
won't be here tonight. And I..." She bit her lip, gathering her thoughts.
"I'm sorry, I know this is supposed to be one of those magical evenings..."

He smiled, "Thanks Bant." He started off again.

"Obi-Wan?"

He turned again and saw her unpinning the green strip of silk. "Would you do
me the honor of sharing this first night, my first offering?"

His eyes widened in surprise. "Bant, I..."

"I understand if you say no," she answered quickly. "But this night is a
great mystery, a journey for all of us, one I'm afraid of taking with a
stranger." She paused and took a deep breath. "Obi-Wan, you're my best
friend. I can't think of anyone else I'd want to take this step with."
Seeing his indecision, she added, "I know it's not love, or even lust." She
stepped closer and laid her hand on his cheek. "But if I would very much
like to make love with you, even if it's just our bodies and not our hearts."
She drew herself up and brushed a gentle kiss against his lips, then
whispered, "Just this once, this one night..."

He wasn't sure what it was, whether it was his anger at the council,
disappointment at Shara for not being here, that Bant had been friend for so
long he could never deny her anything, or that he didn't want this night to
seem so anticlimactic. Whatever the reason, he nodded and let her take his
hand and lead him off, his own green ribbon fluttering to the cool marble
floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

The night was a blur of lips and skin, tentative touches and caresses. They
came together, desperately clinging to each other. Later he lay with her
thinking about this night as she slept cradled in the crook of his arm. This
was wrong. This wasn't the great communion of souls everyone spoke of. This
was just another physical act. One night, just his body...

No, that wasn't entirely true. He loved Bant, but not like he loved Shara.
Bant made him smile, and laugh, but Shara made him feel alive. He looked at
the girl in his arms and wished for eyes and hair the color of jet, her small
hand laying softly on his chest, waking slowly and whispering his name...

"Obi-Wan..."

Silver eyes met blue-gray.

"What's wrong?" Bant asked gently.

"I'm sorry, I-" he sat up slowly. "I have to go."

She nodded, reaching for her own clothing. They dressed in silence, not
knowing what to say. He turned to leave when her voice stopped him again.

"No regrets Obi-Wan."

He couldn't find his voice and instead nodded faintly, which seemed to be
enough for her. Whether or not he believed it himself didn't seem to
matter anymore. He stroked her cheek once more and left the room, walking to
the temple gardens. Once there, he went to his usual meditation area and
centered himself, wondering if he could regain any peace tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

It was after daybreak when he returned to his quarters. His master was
having his morning meal, reviewing the notes for their next mission. Qui-Gon
glanced at his padawan and gestured to the chair across from him. Obi-Wan
sat quietly, then settled his head in his hands.

"Padawan," Qui-Gon asked, his voice conveying his concern.

Obi-Wan did not look up.

"What's troubling you?"

"She wasn't there."

"I see."

"No master you don't." He looked up then, showing his master the dark
circles under his eyes, still swollen from the guilty tears he shed.

Qui-Gon studied the young man. "Then who?"

"It's not important." He laid his head on the table.

"As you wish." Qui-Gon poured his apprentice a cup of tea. "Master Clotho
was here earlier."

Obi-Wan looked up at the mention of Master Toth's first padawan, Clotho. He
was like a brother to Shara, and was well liked and respected in the order.

Qui-Gon continued, "There is a letter in your room. From Shara. They met at
one of the fueling stations along the way. Clotho was traveling back to
Coruscant and agreed to carry a message for her."

Obi-Wan stood quickly and went to his room. On the low table by his bed was
a folded piece of parchment. He slowly unfolded the paper carefully and
caught the green silk ribbon as it fluttered from the paper. On the page was
one line written in her own hand:

Wait for me.

The sobs began to overtake him as he slumped to the floor.

~~~~~End Part 1~~~~~