Author: Jenner,     Jenner_Antony@hotmail.com
Title: One Small Potato, Two Small Potatoes
Rating: NC-17
Feedback: Well, yes, but if you ever want to see any more of my
fiction, don't be *too* blunt...  Most of my other stuff has almost
no sex in it, either...
Summary: Think of it as a Star Wars version of an Aesops
Fable...well..not really...no...

This is just a really odd cross-over thought that struck me while
reading one of the Sith-list stories.  If you hate it, or it gives
you the creeps, then sorry…but I love to tease…It's all in
the spirit of perversity (no, not pervertedness).   And if you really
hate it, blame Ziggy, since it was while reading one of her stories
that I was struck with the idea…   Also- "Small Potatoes"
is the
title of the X-files episode that I ripped the cross-over part off
from.


…

The Sith-chick sat tapping away at her computer, typing up some
favorite sexual fantasy involving her own personal favorite Jedi, the
youthful Obi-Wan. 

She was sure that tight ass could shove his dick up her love canal
like a fisherman gutting a trout.  She stifled that thought, thinking
it was not nice to mix meat slaughtering and sex.  No, she
couldn't put that in the story, especially not with the love
canal
reference.  Wasn't that some polluted housing development from
the
60's? 

She sat trying to think of a better description, sipping a Diet Coke,
when she heard the doorbell ring.  She thought it was odd, as it was
night and she didn't usually have unannounced visitors in her
gated condo complex.

She peered through the eye-hole and thought she must be going crazy. 
It couldn't be who she thought she saw through the distorted,
tiny lens in the door.  She was reading too much fan-fiction. 
Wayyyyy to much fan-fiction.  She took a deep breath, flung the door
open, and promptly exhaled in an unscreamed scream. 

"Don't be afraid, I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi," he assured
her, spreading his hands wide.  "I've read your fiction on
your
primitiveinternet system.  I was…very intrigued by some of your
ideas..." hetrailed off as she gaped at him.

"Um.  Your fictional," she breathed, the fire already
starting in her
loins.  Obi-Wan was in full Jedi uniform, and the impact of him
standing on her doormat was overwhelming.

"No, I'm quite real.  Not all of the stories are real,
but…I'd like to see about making some of them that way…"
he smiled
suggestively and leaned forward, forearm propped against the
doorframe.  He produced a bottle of wine from under his cloak with
his other hand.  "May I come in?"

Wide-eyed, she nodded.

"Do you live alone?" Obi-Wan queried as she started to lead
him into her condo.  He spied the kitchen and pulled her in there,
then started to open drawers to look for a cork-screw.  She took the
hint and got some glasses just as he pulled the cork.  "No, no,
let
the wine breathe for a while," he said as she proffered glasses. 

She led him to the couch.  He shed his cloak and flung it across a
nearby chair, allowing her to sit down first.  He sat down, pressing
his thigh and hip against hers.  She leaned back slightly, a little
shy, and squeaked, "So, you've um, read the stories?"

Obi-Wan gazed into her eyes, leaning forward, "Yes.  I'm
you're favorite, right?"

"Um, yes, uh...you are," she said shyly, unable to meet the
penetrating gaze any longer.  This was just too unreal.  Her eyes
roamed over his tight body, "Where's your lightsaber?"

"I didn't bring it.  Qui-Gon says if one of us lost a
lightsaber on this planet, it would interfere with your
development,"
he explained.

"That sounds like something from Star Trek.  Have you ever seen
that?" she said quickly.  She wanted him, but not this quickly.
She hoped mentioning Star Trek would cool things a little.  But not
too much.

Obi-Wan faltered.  "Uh, yes, I think I saw it in one of my, um,
training classes on your culture.  But you like Star Wars better,
right?"  He got up to retrieve the wine.

"Yeah, I like Star Wars better," she agreed as the Jedi came
back with the bottle of wine and two glasses poured.  She gulped the
wine, hoping to relax a little.  Obi-Wan sipped his, topping off her
glass.

He asked her a few questions about Earth culture, until she started
to feel a good deal more relaxed.  He leaned against her, glancing
from her eyes to her lips.  "You're lips are stained with
wine," he said softly as he leaned even closer, the hot breath
washing against her neck, making her bite her lower lip in
anticipation.

She squirmed against his body, trembling despite every attempt not
to.  Obi-Wan squeezed her to his body as he moved from kissing her
neck to kiss her ear, tickling her and exciting her at the same
time.  Blood rushed to her head, making her giddily embrace his large
back.  Briefly, the thought flitted across her mind, What would he do
if I grabbed his tight ass?  As he trailed from her ear to her cheek
to the side of her mouth with kisses, she moved her hand down and
went for the squeeze, enjoying the muscular feel beneath her hand.

Obi-Wan moaned as he moved to kiss her wine-colored lips, reaching
his tongue forward to meet hers, the wine making them both taste
sweet.  She felt a surge of wetness between her thighs as he moaned
into her and kissed her deeply, skillfully avoiding knocking his
teeth against hers.  His body moved to push hers upright against the
couch and she felt herself being lifted onto him and carried, without
breaking the kiss.  She cracked her eyes open just enough to see that
he was headed for the bedroom, then felt herself eased onto the bed
as Obi-Wan pressed his hips between her legs, chest against her
chest, hands moving to brush her hair back, one hand clutching it
behind her head as he continued kissing her. 

She felt his hardness against her stomach, pressing hot against her
through her shorts and T-shirt.  She felt a desperate need to rip
both of their clothes off, but waited for Obi-Wan to initiate any
removal of clothing.  She was still trembling.

She realized Obi-Wan's face was flushed, his breath coming more
rapidly as he strained his body against hers, again tracing down her
body to the tops of her breasts.  "Obi-Wan," she gasped,
pulling at his tunic, eager to feel his skin against her skin, warm
and smooth.  Solid.

Obi-Wan pulled his tunics off in one smooth motion, then helped the
woman with her T-shirt, eagerly unhooking her bra and tossing it
aside.  He squeezed each breast with his hands for a moment, lifting
each one up to bury his face in between them, licking each one,
savoring the soft feel. 

She felt each nipple pulled into Obi-Wan's warm mouth, his tongue
tracing circles around each pink drop.  Obi-Wan trailed kisses from
her nipple to her mouth, leaving one hand to gently twist one nipple
between forefinger and thumb, the pleasure of it driving her to buck
against him.  She concentrated on his warm chest heaving against hers
as their lips still joined in a passionate kiss. Obi-Wan felt his
penis twitch and engorge, straining for release.  He reached his free
hand down to pull off the woman's shorts and panties, leaving her
naked beneath him. 

She heard Obi-Wan moan loudly again as she tugged at his waistband,
feeling the slightly sweating skin flush against her fingers.  He
tugged his boots off with his feet and wiggled out of his pants, the
movement against her body making her want him even more as they
finally felt the pleasure of their fully naked bodies pressed hotly
against each other.  Her soft flesh felt pliant beneath him, and he
had the consuming urge to own it, to devour it, to press against it
until they became one.  His erection strained further and dripped pre-
cum against her body, increasing the sensual slippery feeling that
came with great sex. 

She raised her knees, fighting the urge to wrap her legs firmly
around his back.  Then, for a second, she broke away from his kiss
and paused. 

"What, what is it?" Obi-Wan asked, continuing to knead her
arm and back and shoulder muscles.

"It's-it's just-I've never-" she fumbled, finally
meeting his eyes.

"I'll be gentle," she heard him reply as she felt him
press the tip of his engorged penis against her tight opening and
suckled her breast.

She felt the stretching pleasure as he guided his penis into her,
pushing until he met resistance.  He reached down and lightly flicked
across her swollen clitoris with his warm thumb, and she felt her
body jerk against his and her vagina clench and unclench against Obi-
Wan's large penis, allowing him to slide in further without her
feeling actual pain, just a filling pleasure, hot and tight. 

Obi-Wan sank into her to the root, stretching her completely.  He
ground against her, straining to go as deeply as he could, grunting
slightly.

She moaned loudly into his shoulder, not caring if the neighbors
heard.  "Obi-Wan, faster, harder," she panted, moving her
hips to fuck him, milking his hardness with her sheath.

Obi-Wan pulled back and thrust into her deeply again, pushing her
backwards on the bed.  He moved to grip her hips, pulling her towards
him, and thrust again and again, heaving against her, balls tight and
swollen as they gently slapped her puffy lips.

She felt herself nearing climax, her mind able to focus on nothing
but the moment, "Obi-Wan!" she screamed, "Gut me like a
trout!" she was so far gone she wouldn't remember what
she'd said
until much later, and would never tell a soul what she had uttered in
the heat of passion.

Obi-Wan obliged, thrusting hard against her, lifting her whole body
with each thrust as he drove both of them over the edge.

She shuddered against his body with a loud cry as he tried to split
her, clutching at his shoulders as the clenching of her vagina set
off his own orgasm.  She felt his thighs tighten seconds before he
came deeply within her, filling her with his seed. 

…

The next morning, it was decided that Obi-Wan would stay with her for
a few weeks, until it came time for him to rejoin Qui-Gon and return
to his own part of the universe.

Only later, after he'd left, did she discover she was pregnant. 

…

Over the course of a more than a year, each Sith-chick rabidly wrote
fan-fiction that involved themselves in very *stimulating* situations
with their favorite Jedi, Sith or Other.  However, each woman assumed
she had a personal secret, one that no one else knew. 

*Her* stories were real.  Her favorite "character" (or
characters) had visited her, proclaimed their real-ness, and
proceeded to sweep her off her feet.  Each woman assumed that only
her stories were real, that her favorite man (or men!) came only to
her, and each wrote their true-life adventures with fervor after
every encounter.  Each also read the other stories, of course, but
never dreamed that they could all be *really* happening to each and
every chick.  But that was exactly what had happened.  They began to
discover the truth when they began one by one to realize their
pregnancies, then finally to give birth.  Each baby was born with the
same rare genetic defect, one that could only be hereditary.  The
women eventually found out that all of them were in various stages of
pregnancy, each claiming vehemently that it really was their favorite
character who was the father.  They contacted the only people they
knew would print their story.  They called the Enquirer.

…

Agent Fox Mulder sat at his desk, holding up the news article as
Agent Dana Scully approached. 

"I Was Impregnated By An Alien," Scully read from the
headline.  "Mulder, not the Enquirer again.  I am not explaining
to
Skinner one more time about how you've found something in the
Enquirer and we have to fly all over the country to investigate
it." 
The look on her face was one Agent Mulder had seen countless times
before.

But this time, he was sure he could get Scully to believe.  "Yes,
the Enquirer, but I checked out the story, and there are in fact over
a hundred women with extremely similar stories from all around the
country.  And, almost all of their babies exhibit the same genetic
abnormality."  He leaned back in the chair to wait for his
devastating revelation to sink in.

Scully found herself slightly interested, but knew better than to
encourage her partner.  "Genetic abnormalities?" she
questioned lightly as she sat down in the chair.

Mulder couldn't help but smile. "Tails.  They've all got
tails."

"Tails?  Mulder, are you saying there's another one of those
shape-shifters in existence?  That last one didn't escape from
prison,
did he?" 

Mulder leaned forward, "Oh, that last one that shape shifted to
impersonate everyone from six women's husbands to Luke Skywalker
to me?  The one that came to your apartment with a bottle of wine and
a box of condoms, shape shifted to look like me?  The one you insist
you were `just about' to throw out when the real me showed up
and ruined his game?  That one?"  His eyebrows raised.

Scully felt her ears turning pink, and was glad she had on enough
make-up to cover most of her blushing.  She hated when Mulder brought
that incident up.  Didn't he understand how much wine she'd
drunk?  Besides, the shape-shifter had been very charming, and- She
stopped the thought cold.  "Mulder, what else is there about this
case
that you can tell me?"

"Don't get too excited, Scully, the last one is still in
prison.  But there's something else this case has in common with
the
last one.

Let's catch our flight, and I'll let the first woman explain
it to you."

…

Scully and Mulder approached the woman, still sitting in the hospital
bed.  She'd given birth only a day before. 

Scully questioned her, asking about her story.

The woman answered, "Yes, it was Luke Skywalker.  He showed up at
my doorstep with a bottle of wine and fell in love with me.  He had
to go back, because Coruscant was experiencing unrest.  And I
don't
care if my baby has a tail, the doctor said they could cut it off and
no one would know." 

Scully asked the same questioned she asked all of them, "Did he
have a lightsaber?"

"No, he didn't bring it.  He can't take it to earth,
because if he lost it, it would be bad," seeing Scully's
superior
expression, she continued.  "There are hundreds of other women
who
have similar stories to mine, I know you know about them, and I know
you read our story in the Enquirer.  The nurse told me you were
coming.  It's all true, and you *must* know it," she said
stubbornly.

Mulder sat down on the edge of her bed.  "But there were hundreds
of other women who claim to have had children by Obi-Wan Kenobi. 
Doesn't that bother you?"

She shrugged.  "He's a Jedi.  They have their own code,"
she looked  as though that explained everything.

Mulder and Scully returned to their car.  Scully turned to Mulder as
he started up the rented Ford Taurus, "You can't believe the
shape-shifting guy had a couple of brothers who could seduce all
these women, all across the country."

Mulder paused, "They all said the same thing, Scully, down to the
reason the guy didn't have a lightsaber.  And almost all the
babies have tails, suggesting that it's a dominant trait, so the
shape-shifting ability could be dominant as well."

"I guess it's possible, Mulder, even though there was no
record of any siblings.  The records in small towns are often poorly
maintained."

"Still, I just don't like thinking they're still out
there, tricking women into sleeping with them."

"Like you almost got tricked, Scully?"  Mulder asked, trying
to look innocent.

"Shut up, Mulder," Scully looked out the window.  She knew
she'd never live that day down.

...

The Moral Of The Story: Before you decide he's the guy for you,
check
out his lightsaber.