Archive: Gossamer, and anywhere else as long as my name's kept on it!

Disclaimer: Ahem. Let's all sing along! Chris Carter, oh can't you see? I know they don't belong to me. They belong to Ten Thirteen. Mulder and Scully and all the rest, they are the best. I'm borrowing them with utmost respect; they'll be home before you guess. And now I will call this lame song to a rest.

Author's notes: Only a basic understanding of Star Wars is needed. As long as you know what a lightsaber is and who the Jedi are you'll be fine. Special thanks go to my betas- Crysta, Astoria, and Mrs. H and to my friends and crew on the USS TrustNo1. The Lone Gunpersons rule!

"Playing Jedi IV - The Adventures of Jedi Man"
by Gillian Taylor

MULDER: I am...JEDI MAN! BOW BEFORE ME ALL YE LITTLE PEOPLE!

SCULLY: Mulder, get off of the desk.

MULDER: But I am JEDI MAN. I can do as I please.

SCULLY: Alright, Jedi Man. Master Scully orders you to get down.

MULDER: No.

SCULLY: No?

MULDER: No. I am JEDI MAN. I will stay up here to vanquish all that is evil!

SCULLY: Mulder...

MULDER: *JEDI MAN*

SCULLY: Jedi Man, you won't vanquish anything except for those papers...MULDER! You're stepping all over the case report for Skinner!

MULDER: So?

SCULLY: It's *due* in thirty minutes!

MULDER: It'll have style! It'll have class! Because it was stepped on by JEDI MAN's shoes!

SCULLY: ((soft moan)) Mulder, you are such a moron.

MULDER: No I'm not!

SCULLY: Yes you are. So get off the desk.

MULDER: But I can hear Kevin upstairs.

SCULLY: Who's Kevin?

MULDER: Big guy...Pokemon fan...

SCULLY: Oh! The janitor.

MULDER: Yeah, the janitor of EVIL.

SCULLY: Mulder, I think that you've got a screw loose. Have you been watching "Austin Powers" again?

MULDER: No! He likes Pokemon. ((musing tone)) Maybe he likes Jar-Jar Binks too.

SCULLY: Jar-Jar?! Great, now I'm definitely going to have to go after this guy.

SKINNER: Who likes Jar-Jar now? And, Agent Mulder, that had better not be my report that you're standing on.

MULDER: What this, sir? Oh no...of course its...not.

SKINNER: Get off the desk.

MULDER: Yes sir. ((meek voice))

SKINNER: So who's the Jar-Jar lover?

MULDER: Kevin--the Janitor of EVIL

SKINNER: Mulder, he's not evil.

MULDER: He likes Pokemon.

SKINNER: That hated word! Let's get him.

M&S: Sir?((chorus))

SKINNER: Jedi cannot tolerate Pokemon.

SCULLY: Of course not, sir.

SKINNER: Or that yellow thing...Pikachu or whatever his name is.

SCULLY: How do you know that sir?

SKINNNER: A little bird told me. Let's go!

MULDER: JEDI MAN says...Kevin is this way! ((running footsteps))

SKINNER: Scully, is he feeling alright?

SCULLY: He's living a fantasy of his, sir. ((pant, pant))

SKINNER: A fantasy?

SCULLY: Yes sir. He always wanted to be a super-hero.

MULDER: HALT JANITOR OF EVIL!

KEVIN: What? What are you guys...Agent Mulder, Agent Scully...Assistant Director *Skinner?* Why are you carrying those plastic lightsabres?

SKINNER: You have chosen to follow the dark side of the Force! You like Pokemon!

KEVIN: Uh-huh...((pulls out a baseball bat))

MULDER: Ooooh, Scully. Now *that's* a nice piece of ash.

SCULLY: ((slap))

MULDER: Hey!

KEVIN: Keep away from me...I'll use this!

M&S&S: And we'll use our lightsabres!

KEVIN: I'm *so* scared.

SCULLY: Mulder?

MULDER: Yes, Scully?

SCULLY: I think he means it.

MULDER: But...

SCULLY: Live to fight another battle?

MULDER: Good idea, but...

SCULLY: Sir?

SKINNER: I think that I agree with Agent Scully. I don't think he has a sense of humor.

((steps approaching))

SCULLY: Oh dear...Mulder?

MULDER: Yeah?

SCULLY: RUN!

((sounds of running))

KEVIN: ((maniacal laughter))And the JANITOR OF EVIL strikes another blow to the forces of light...

THE END

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