Tears fall from my eyes like rain, wet and cool upon my cheeks. I cannot
help the tears, my heart breaking everytime I see the scene before me and in
my minds' eye. I shudder as emotions rake my body and I hold tightly to the
pillow in my arms, my eyes wide as I watch the scene that kills me ever a
little more everytime I see it.

The bowl of popcorn I had made to eat while watching, sits untouched after
I had placed the bowl upon the table before the sofa. It must be cold and
stale already.

And my hatred of a particular Jedi grows ever more in intensity for what
he does to the one I have been attracted to with all that I am ever since
the first image I saw of him upon a piece of advertisement.

I wish to leap right into the television, and kill the Jedi with my bare
hands, letting all that I am and my feelings for the one he slain fuel my
rage and hatred for him. I wish to take the sabre from his hands and run it
right through him as he had the one I am so connected to. I wish to see his
eyes go wide with disbelief and pain – gasping for breath as my beloved one
had done after the Jedi slashed right through his middle. And I would stand
over him, watching him fight for life, his eyes wide as he looks up at me,
seeing the last of his life ebb and death fill his blue eyes.

My vengeance would be bittersweet but exquisite nonetheless.

I would then find my way to the bottom of the abysmal hole in the center
of the room, look for my beloved and pray with every fiber of my being that
he still clings to life. I would gather him in my arms and summoning his
droids with his bracelet, I would take him to Scimitar and place him in
stasis until I could find a way to bring him back as whole.

But to step into the television is nigh unto impossible. It is all
imagination – a movie with characters created from the mind of a man, but
still, I have intense feelings for the one I wish to avenge. And with all
that I am I wish him to be real.

The movie ends and I have to stand from the couch and step out onto the
balcony to look up at the clear star filled night sky.

"Oh so beautiful." I murmur in awe as my eyes dart from brilliant speck of
light to speck of light. And I begin to wonder…

He, my beloved dark one, could be somewhere out there and I do not even
know it. Which one of those stars is his home, Coruscant or Iridonia? So
many stars, so many that could have planets.

I let out a long soft sigh as my eyes follow the visible edge of the very
galaxy – uncountable stars and nebulas, it all looks like a star speckled
cloud in the night sky.

"Somewhere…somewhere you are out there – I just know it." I think aloud as
my eyes catch sight of a shooting star streaking across the night sky with
its fireworks looking splendor, then disintegrate into nothingness.

A soft breeze begins to blow, making my long brown hair to dance about me
with its currents. I wrap my arms about me, and I feel my heart ache with
sadness, loneliness, yearning and despair. I can feel my very soul ache with
these emotions – a need unnamable and unfulfilled.

"Where are you my beloved?" I whisper as the tears finally slip from my
eyes, turning my eyes from the stars and down to the ground far below my
balcony, my eyes open, but unseeing as I finally begin to sob and finally I
break down and cry – letting out everything that I have kept pinned in for
years.

"Why? Why am I here? And not with you out there?" I cry aloud as the tears
fall from my eyes and down my checks and as a tear runs over my lips, I
quickly lick it from my lip, tasting my tears – the saltiness of it.

Suddenly something catches my attention out of the corner of my eye and
looking, I find nothing but darkness and the trees surrounding my apartment
building. But I could swear I had seen a flash if ion green light and the
vaguest of a gust of air as I caught a glimpse of the green flash of light.

It was most likely but my own imagination and slowly, with a deep sigh, I
turn and go inside, leaving the sliding balcony door open just enough to
allow the soft breeze outside to blow through my home.

I yawn aloud suddenly, my body telling me that I need to sleep and turning
off the TV, I make my way into my bedroom and putting my nightgown on, I
climb into bed and let the darkness of sleep take me.

~ To be continued in Part II ~